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spotted me earlier, then.’
    ‘You’re hard to miss, ma’am. That was a very striking hat you were wearing.’
    The baroness smirked. ‘No point in hats unless they’re striking.’
    ‘So what kind is your parrot?’
    ‘Horace is an African grey.’
    ‘He must be a very special little bird if he gets a first-class seat.’
    ‘I’m the special bird. He’s along for the ride. And someone else is paying.’
    ‘Does he talk?’
    ‘Nineteen to the dozen, when he’s on form, but I’m not encouraging him right now. He’s here on sufferance so I’ve asked him to mimic a Trappist monk. I don’t want the airline refusing to let him make the return journey. I’ve put that black cloth over the crate to make him think it’s bedtime.’ She snorted. ‘Unbelievable palaver finding an airline that would take him, getting him certificated and training him to put up with a crate. I even had to prove he’d served his time in quarantine. You’d think parrots were in the habit of taking a couple of mates down to the pub on a Friday night.’
    ‘So he won’t be talking on board. That’s a shame. I’d enjoy hearing what the little guy had to say.’
    ‘He might talk later. I’ll have to feed and water him at some stage. But I won’t be encouraging him to get chatty.’
    ‘Beverages!!’
    ‘Yes,’ called the baroness loudly. ‘I want a beverage.’
    The flight attendant, who was three rows away, looked down towards her and glared. ‘You’ll be served when it’s your turn and not before. Beverages!’
    ‘So why are you offering beverages at the top of your voice then?’
    Her neighbour touched the baroness on the sleeve. ‘If I were you, ma’am, I wouldn’t get into an argument with Rosa. It’ll do no good and she’ll only take it out on you.’
    ‘You mean she might deny me beverages?’
    ‘Sure. Rosa knows how to bring us to heel.’
    ‘Is she really called Rosa? Seems too nice a name for someone who looks and sounds like a bad-tempered serial killer.’
    ‘Oh, it’s not her real name. That’s Joan, but I don’t think anyone’s keen to get on first name terms with her. Rosa’s what some of us frequent flyers call her behind her back—after Rosa Kleb from the James Bond movie.’
    ‘Well she’s certainly old and ugly enough to have been in the KGB,’ grumbled the baroness. ‘Whatever happened to attractive young air hostesses? On Far East airlines they’re as young and beautiful as cherry blossoms.’
    ‘Anti-discrimination laws, ma’am.’
    ‘Ridiculous! The whole point of air hostesses is supposed to be that they do the job for a few years until they find a rich husband. Means they’re always agreeable as well as easy on the eye. What’s the point of having someone who’s so sick of her job it shows in her face.’
    ‘Beverages!’
    The trolley and Rosa arrived.
    ‘I’ll have a….’
    ‘Not your turn,’ said Rosa and directed her gaze left. ‘Whaddayawant?’
    ‘Please help this lady first.’
    ‘’Gainst the rules.’
    ‘I’ll have bourbon on the rocks then,’ he said.
    Crashing bottles and glasses, Rosa prepared his bourbon and handed it over. She stared with loathing at the baroness. ‘Whaddayawant?’
    ‘Dry martini. Straight up.’
    ‘Can’t.’
    ‘What do you mean you can’t? Martini is the American national drink. Has this airline no sense of national pride?’
    Rosa said nothing.
    ‘You have gin. You have vermouth. I’ll make it.’
    ‘No vermouth. Just gin.’
    The baroness locked eyes with her. ‘Vermouth is listed in the in-flight magazine.’
    ‘Noneonthetrolley.’
    ‘Then I suggest you search the galley.’
    ‘Whaddaythinkthisis? A cocktail bar?’
    ‘No,’ said the baroness coldly. ‘I think it’s a first-class cabin for access to which your employers charge a stack of money. I want vermouth. And a martini glass.’
    ‘No martini glasses,’ said Rosa. As she stumped off the man gazed with interest at the baroness. ‘Boy,’ he said,