Mrs. Dole Is Out of Control! Read Online Free PDF Page A

goats.

    â€œRemain calm!” screamed Mrs. Dole as she ran around, spraying a fire extinguisher.
    â€œRun for your lives!” shouted Neil the nude kid as a goat chased him across the playground.
    I was wondering if third grade would be canceled if the school burned down. But it didn’t matter, because soon there was a siren coming down the street. A fire truck pulled up, and Officer Spence hopped off. He attached a hose to a hydrant in the street andsprayed water all over the place. Everybody got soaked.

    I thought it was all over; but in the middle of the playground, I saw Andrea’s mom and Ryan’s mom yelling at each other.
    â€œThis is all your fault!” Andrea’s mom shouted. “You and your stupid graduation!”
    â€œHow was I supposed to know somebody would knock over the eternal flame?” shouted Ryan’s mom.
    The next thing we knew, the two PTA moms were wrestling each other on the ground and pulling each other’s hair! And we got to see it live and in person!

    â€œSee,” I said to Andrea, “I told you PTA presidents get assassinated. Your mom is trying to kill Ryan’s mom so she can become president.”
    Mr. Klutz broke up the fight. He told us to line up near Mrs. Daisy. Some of theparents went to round up the animals.
    Mrs. Daisy didn’t look very good. Her hair was all messy.
    â€œI don’t feel very well,” she said. “I think I need to sit—”
    But Mrs. Daisy never had the chance to finish her sentence, because at that moment the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.
    Mrs. Daisy fainted!

11
Passing Out and Making Out
    Me and the guys caught Mrs. Daisy just before she was about to hit the ground. Her eyes were closed and she was all limp, like a rag doll.
    â€œWake up!” Ryan shouted. “Wake up, Mrs. Daisy!”
    â€œShe can’t hear you,” said Neil.
    â€œIs she dead?” I asked.
    â€œShe just fainted, Arlo,” Andrea said.
    â€œWhenever a girl faints in the movies,” I said, “somebody slaps her in the face and she wakes up.”
    â€œYou should slap her, A.J.,” said Michael.
    â€œI’m not slapping Mrs. Daisy,” I said. “I’ll get kicked out of school. Why don’t you slap her?”

    â€œI’m not slapping her,” Michael said. “You’re the one who thought of giving her all those bonbons. That’s probably why she fainted. You should slap her.”
    â€œYou slap her!” I shouted.
    â€œNo, you slap her!”
    â€œTell you what,” I finally said. “Let’s both slap her.”
    Me and Michael were about to slap Mrs. Daisy when Mr. Macky came running over to us. We decided to let him slap her. But he didn’t. He was holding a wet handkerchief, and he held it against Mrs. Daisy’s forehead.
    â€œGive her air!” he shouted, which didn’t make any sense because none of us hadany air to give her. Who carries around air? Where would we get air anyway? Rent-a-Air?
    â€œThis is all your fault, Arlo!” said Andrea. “You knocked over the eternal flame! They’ll probably make you repeat second grade for this.”
    â€œMr. Klutz told us to throw our caps up in the air!” I yelled. “I didn’t mean to knock over the eternal flame! Why do I get blamed for everything?”
    Officer Spence came rushing over to us.
    â€œWhat happened?” he asked.
    â€œShe fainted,” said Mr. Macky.
    â€œIt’s because she ate so many bonbons,” Andrea told Officer Spence. “Shegot fatter and fatter. I bet all that sugar made her pass out.”
    Then Officer Spence did the most amazing thing in the history of the world. He leaned over and kissed Mrs. Daisy! On the lips! Right in front of her husband!
    â€œEwww!” I said. “They’re making out! Mr. Macky, are you going to let Officer Spence kiss your wife? You should punch him in the