California Diaries # 11: Dawn III: Missing Read Online Free PDF Page A

him. “Ducky, she looks – HORRIBLE.” (Ducky
    winced.) “Yeah. And each time I see her, she looks even worse, no matter how
    bad she already looked.”
    “Poor Sunny.”
    “Poor Sunny? What about poor Mrs. Winslow?”
    “Dawn, how would you feel if Mrs. Winslow were your mother?”
    I looked at the table. “Awful,” I replied. “No. You know what? I don’t even
    know how I’d feel.”
    I decided it was time to talk to Sunny.
    Thursday afternoon 2/25
    I visited Mrs. Winslow again after school. (I just read some more Franny
    and Zooey to her because she still can’t talk.) When I was leaving, I ran into
    Sunny. I was zipping up my jacket as I stepped into the hal way, and I nearly
    bumped into her.
    “Oh, sorry,” I said. “Hi.”
    “Hi,” replied Sunny, but she sounded as if she’s just seen a snake.
    “I was visiting your mom.”
    Now, I know that was an unnecessary thing to say, but I don’t think it
    deserved such a withering look from Sunny.
    “No kidding,” she said.
    “Well, I think she likes the company.”
    Right away I knew I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to imply that
    Sunny should visit her mother more often, but that’s how she took it.
    “I’m sure she does, Pol yanna,” replied Sunny.
    I lowered my eyes and walked away.
    Thursday night 2/25
    I have been trying to tell myself that going to the concert with Sunny will
    be just fine. I think about the things Ducky has been saying. I think how horrible
    I’d feel if my mother were as sick as Sunny’s. Plus, I remind myself of the years
    of friendship Sunny and I had before our fight.
    Now, after our meeting at the hospital, I wonder if we can survive the
    concert together. Just thinking about it is making me squirm. And shiver.
    Later Thursday night 2/25
    Why does Sunny want to make people feel so miserable? What is she
    thinking?
    Even later Thursday night 2/25
    I just asked Carol my question about why Sunny would want to make
    people feel miserable. Carol said she doesn’t think that’s what Sunny is doing.
    “But she was so mean to me today!” I exclaimed. “And she’s been mean
    to a lot of people lately.”
    Carol drew in a breath. “How can I explain this?” she said. “dawn, I think
    Sunny feels that if she isn’t close to people, then if they leave her too, the way
    her mother seems to be leaving her now, it won’t hurt so much.”
    “But I’m not leaving her!”
    “I know. But I think Sunny thinks you could leave her. After all, anyone
    could get sick.”
    At first I just stared at Carol. How morbid. But then I understand what she
    was saying. “Or die in a car accident,” I added.
    “Or something less drastic,” said Carol. “Move away. Switch to a different
    school. Sunny isn’t taking any chances right now.”
    “But if she pushes everyone away from her,” I went on, “maybe no one
    can leave her, but she won’t have any friends either.”
    “I didn’t say this was rational,” Carol replied.
    “Sunny needs a shrink.”
    “She probably does need to see a therapist,” Carol said, “but that’s up to
    Sunny and her parents.”
    Friday 2/26
    A small daydream about Pierre and me:
    Pierre and I somehow get to spend a weekend together. We can do
    absolutely anything we want to do. So what do we decide on? A nice, cozy
    weekend at home. We start off by grocery shopping. We buy everything we need
    to cook up a fancy meal. Roaming the vegetable aisle is SO romantic. Our hands
    touch as we both reach for the same clump of cilantro. We fill up our cart.
    Tomatoes, beans, garlic. Pierre says he knows how to make strawberry
    shortcake, so we buy two huge cartons of fat, scarlet strawberries.
    On the way home from the grocery store, we stop at the video rental
    place. They’re offering a special – three movies for three days for three bucks. So
    we choose Gone With the Wind, When Harry Met Sally, and Buffy the Vampire
    Slayer. We buy al -natural microwave popcorn and we’re out of there.
    We