Mara Read Online Free PDF Page A

Sunday bonnet. How was I supposed to find her in such a large train station? During our journey I had noticed passengers at all the different stations, all so confident and focused. They would take their luggage, greet their loved ones and walk out of the station laughing, talking, sometimes in silence, holding hands. How would I ever be able to recognize her amongst all those people? I bent down to grab my bag and placed it in my lap. I clenched the leather handles of the bag so tightly that the colour drained from my fingers, as I tried to remember my Auntie whom I had not seen in ten years. However hard I tried, I could recall nothing except for the bonnet.
    ‘We’re almost there, Maria.’
    I did not respond.
    Sister Olivia seemed to sense that something had changed in the last few minutes, for she placed her old hands over mine. Again I had to restrain myself and I held my fingers tightly together so she would not notice that I wanted nothing more than to pull my hands away from her well-meaning touch.
    ‘What are you afraid of?’
    While I considered this question, her old hands seemed to compel my fingers to be calm, and slowly my hands relaxed. Finally I whispered, ‘Everything’. How would Auntie respond? Would she welcome me or take me under her roof grudgingly?
    ‘Will there be someone waiting for you?’
    ‘Yes, but…’ I haven’t seen her for years. I’ve no idea who she is anymore.
    ‘Is it a family member, or a stranger?’ Sister Olivia persisted.
    ‘Family, my aunt.’ Who, I’m sure, is not at all eager to receive an unmarried, pregnant niece.
    ‘Listen, I’ll stay with you until you and your aunt have found each other.’
    ‘Thank you very much.’
    She did not ask for any more information and I did not volunteer any, but her kind words made me feel better. I was not alone. The old nun would stay with me until I had to face my aunt. Would she smile and embrace me? Or was she like the Reverend, outwardly kind, friendly in the train station, within earshot of others, but on the inside harsh and ugly?
    The train slowed down and I knew we were approaching Arnhem Station. One more transfer and then we would reach our destination. After the long journey behind us, this last little stretch to Velp wasn’t much. Once again we found a seat together at a window. We were both tired and stared out window in silence. Much too soon the train stopped again.
    For the last time, I helped Sister Olivia step out of the train, and one last time she made sure we found our suitcases. Then, there we were, standing at the end of our journey, our luggage standing between us. I looked about me, searching, but I did not really know what to do or what to expect. Then I saw her.
    ‘Auntie Be, here I am!’ I called out to her, despite the doubt I felt. But the woman who was walking along the train and looked hesitantly into each compartment, looked up and smiled. For a moment I forgot about my anxiety and I moved towards her, but as we approached each other I felt tense and I stood still, uncertain. So this was it, my destination. All of a sudden I wanted to turn around and run away, to a place where nobody would see me and no one could find me.
    ‘Maria, is it really you? Of course it is, you look like Anna.’ She grabbed both my hands and looked at me with a kind smile. It made her round cheeks even rounder, and they seemed to almost touch her eyelashes.
    I stared back at her, but could not speak a word. In my mind images of Mother and Auntie whirled around until they blended into one. They looked very much alike indeed. Auntie Be was several years older than Mother, but I thought she looked much younger. She had a sparkle in her eyes and crows’ feet around her mouth. She was so very different from Mother. It was as if I was looking at a lively version of my mother. As if my mother herself was nothing but a portrait on a canvas. The colors were perfect and all the details were right, but the life, the sparkle