Mara Read Online Free PDF

could not be captured in the canvas.
    Of course there were differences too. Mother was a slight woman, and now that I saw Auntie, I realized that Mother was also a pale woman. A woman with soft hands, who always stayed in doors. Not Auntie. She had a healthy color on her cheeks, and the hands that were holding mine were calloused and strong. With a shock I realized that Mother’s hands used to feel the same way. Strong, damaged and rough, but also warm and friendly. Strong enough to hold me up when I fell.
    Auntie Be took my arm and pulled me toward my suitcases. Sister Olivia was still there, waiting. She had a smile on her face and she nodded encouragingly toward me. I introduced her to my aunt and they chatted for a little while.
    ‘Goodbye, my dear.’ The time had come to say our farewells. The nun embraced me and I smelled her peppermint-scented breath, and I could feel how her stiff nun’s coif rubbed my hair. I would never forget the last time my mother embraced me that way.
    It was the winter of the year I turned twelve, a very cold winter. There was a layer of ice in the ditches and I wanted to go skating so badly. Nobody had forbidden me to do so, but I was well aware that it was only because I had not asked for permission. I knew that if I wanted to go skating, I had to do it in secret. Late in the afternoon I sneaked out of the house and met up with Aleide, the church’s caretaker’s wife. I had convinced her that I had permission to go and she had promised me the use of her granddaughter’s skates. She arrived at the agreed location on time, but did not have the time to stay and watch.
    ‘You’ll be careful now, won’t you? Where is your mother?’ I just nodded and mumbled a vague excuse, but Aleide paid no notice to it in her haste. She returned home and I tied on the skates. It had been a long time since I had skated last. It had been on the farm, but I did not want to think about that. Now, as the day was drawing to a close and twilight set in, it was just me on the ice and no one else. I was as free as a bird!
    I’ll never forget the sudden sound of ice cracking and the icy cold of the water. From one moment to the next the ice gave way under my feet and I was soaked. I managed, with much difficulty, to climb out of the icy water and I stood shivering and dripping at the edge of the water. Then it dawned on me that I would have to confess my secret. There was no way I could get away with this unnoticed. Despite the cold, which took hold of my whole body, I took my time walking home. I had slung the skates over my shoulders, laces tied together, and while I considered what might happen as a result of my ice skating escapade, the skates seemed to weigh more and more with each step I took.
    I arrived in our street and headed for the manse. There was still light in the study and I grew hopeful. Would there be a chance that I could deceive him? Maybe, if Mother cooperated. I took the back door and opened it as quietly as I possibly could. It wasn’t quietly enough though. Mother had heard me and was at the back door within moments. She reprimanded me softly and at the same time hugged me so tight. She pulled me into the kitchen and had me sit close to the stove where it was nice and warm. Then she stripped me down and wrapped me into a thick blanket. She held me tight again and pulled me onto her lap. She talked in soft whispers, worriedly enquiring if I was all right. Then she was silent and I quietly sat with her, listening to her heartbeat underneath my ear, pressed against her bosom. I savored her warm embrace. I had missed her so much. At that moment I was absolutely convinced that all would turn out well. Nothing was further from the truth.
    ‘Will I see you again sometime?’ The words left my mouth like a fleeting breath, but the nun had understood and embraced me once more. ‘Maybe. If it is our Dear Lord’s will. Maybe.’
    She let go and turned to leave. It seemed as if saying goodbye was