Love's Little Instruction Book Read Online Free PDF

by damn, the idea made sense. “It couldn’t be that easy,” he said cautiously.
    “Why not? Women love those books, right? And they wouldn’t read them if they didn’t provide them with something they wanted but didn’t get in the real world. And her mother writes them, right? Like mother, like daughter. All you have to do is read those books to see what it is that women want, and become that for Denise.”
    “Damn,” murmured Ghoulie. “It’s perfect. Simple, but perfect. Why in the hell hasn’t somebody ever thought of this before?”
    Kirk shrugged. “Because before, guys looked at women like that and only thought about what it was that they wanted. Dave here is going to look at Denise from the standpoint of what it is that she wants.”
    Dave set down his beer. “Damn,” he repeated. “It might work.”
    “Shelby’s got a bunch of that kind of book,” Ghoulie offered. “You’re welcome to borrow a couple if you want. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”
    Dave looked at him hopefully. “Do you think she has any of the ones by Denise’s mother?”
    “I don’t know. There’s a lot of them in there. Let’s go look.”
    Carrying their beers, they followed Ghoulie into the bedroom. “Holy shit,” murmured Kirk, looking at the crammed bookcase. “Has she actually read all these?”
    Ghoulie shrugged. “I guess. Sometimes she trades them with her friends.”
    “Are there any there by Denise’s mother?” Dave asked. “Her name is Judy Johnson.”
    Ghoulie scanned the shelves. “I don’t see any.”
    “The pregame show’s starting,” Kirk announced. “C’mon, let’s take a bunch of them into the living room and see what we can find out.”
    Ghoulie pulled short stacks of books discretely off of the bottom shelf and handed a pile to Kirk and another to Dave before taking a third batch for himself. With their beers in one hand and the books cradled against them with the other, they made their way back into the living room and spread the collection out on the coffee table.
    “Shelby actually reads this stuff?” Kirk asked after a long moment of taking them all in.
    “The ones with the flowers and shit are okay,” Dave remarked, staring down at the covers. “But the ones with the couples on them — Jesus, doesn’t that look like soft core pornography to you guys? I don’t think there’s a done up button or a zipped zipper in the lot.”
    “That’s the point, you idiot,” Kirk reminded him. “You don’t want to get this girl just for companionship, do you?”
    “Well, no, I guess not,” he agreed. “But I don’t want her just for a quick lay, either.”
    Kirk glanced up from the covers at his friend’s face and then back at the covers. “Okay, okay,” he regrouped. “What can we learn by looking at these books?”
    “That they didn’t have shirts in the past,” Ghoulie observed, picking up on of the books and turning it over in his hand. It had the same couple in still more provocative poses on the back.
    “And the shirts they did have apparently lacked buttons and blew off their shoulders at the slightest breeze,” Dave added.
    “And the women were all near-sighted,” Ghoulie added.
    “How can you tell?” Kirk asked, frowning.
    “They’re all squinting at the men.”
    “They’re not squinting, you moron,” Kirk snapped. “Those are bedroom eyes.”
    “Huh?”
    “Bedroom eyes. The way women look at you when they’re — you know — in the mood.”
    “Shelby never looked at me like that.”
    “Never?”
    “Hell no!”
    “I think they’re all stoned,” Dave noted.
    “Stoned?” Ghoulie repeated.
    “Well yeah,” Dave explained. “I mean, that explains it all, doesn’t it? The droopy eyes, way they’re falling all over the men, the fact that they couldn’t get their clothes on right … ”
    Kirk studied the array of covers critically. “It does look like the men are holding them up,” he agreed.
    “Well, what’s the point of that?” Dave