Tags:
Fiction,
General,
Humorous stories,
People & Places,
Juvenile Fiction,
England,
Social Issues,
Interpersonal relations,
Young Adult Fiction,
Europe,
Girls & Women,
Dating & Sex,
Adolescence,
Dating (Social Customs),
Diaries
like, leaving to go back to campâhe gave me a number three and thenââ
âThen quickly went on to number four.â
âWell, no, heâ¦â
âHe missed out number four and went straight for the nungas?â
âNo, well, heâhe, like, he said, he said, âSee you later.ââ
Oh dear God, we were once more in the land of sâlater. Will we never be free?
one minute later
But at least it stopped anyone going on about the Dave the Laugh fiasco.
one minute later
Jas turned up. She looked quite nice, actually, if you like that mad fringey look. She said, âI was justtalking to Tom on the phone, heâs playing footie this arvie with the lads. Heâs got some new boots.â
I said, âNo!! Honestly!â
And she gave me a huffty look. I donât want to have more rambling lectures from her, so I went and gave her a hug and a piece of chuddie.
Anyway, we had just settled down and I got out my postcard from Masimo to show the gang when Jools said, âOh God, Blunderboys alert!â
They were shuffling about by the bushes at the far end of the swing park. Mark Big Gob was absent, probably carrying his tiny girlfriend around somewhere. Junior Blunderboy was with them, though. I noticed he had a belt round his elephant jeans. So now he didnât look like a twit anymore. He looked like a twit with a belt on.
Mabs said, âDonât look at them and theyâll get bored.â
I said, âCan we get back to the matter I hold in my hand?â
Rosie went, âOo-er.â
I gave her my worst look.
I went on, âWhat do you think âI am playing funâ means?â
Ellen said, âWell, erm, I donât know but youknow, wellâwell, you know when a boy says âSee you later,â well, like when Declan said âSee you laterâ and that was, like, three days ago now. So, er, this is, like, later, isnât it? Or something. And he hasnât, like, seen me.â
Even though we were actually officially having the official ace gang meeting officially for me (as I had officially called it), I did feel quite sorry for Ellen. And also it has to be said it would be a bloody relief if she did get off with Declan.
Then she would leave Dave the Laugh alone.
Not that it was any of my business whether she left Dave the Laugh alone or not.
I mean, he had a girlfriend, anyway.
Probably.
Unless he had told her about the accidental snogging and she was even now taking kickboxing lessons for when she next saw me.
Anyway, shut up, brain. He has got a girlfriend, which is good because so have I.
Well, not a girlfriend exactly, but an Italian person.
Who incidentally does not have a handbag.
Or a sports bra.
Whatever Dave the so-called Laugh might say.Why is Dave the Laugh sneaking about in my brain???
Jools said to Ellen, âMaybe heâs a bit shy.â
Ellen said, âYes, but he, I mean, he showed me his Swiss Army knife.â
I looked at her. What is the right response to that?
I said, âWell, maybe he is a bit backward, then?â
Ellen looked like she was going to cry. Oh Blimey OâReillyâs y-fronts, if she starts blubbing, Iâll never get round to talking about the Italian Stallion.
I said quickly, âI knowâ¦Jas can ask Tom to get Declan and the lads to come along to Svenâs gig, and hopefully that will be a good excuse for him to get his knife out again (oo-er) and everything will be tickety boo and so on.â
Ellen looked a bit cheered up.
I said, âNow shall we get back to the official meeting. What do you think that âI am playing funâ means?â
And that is when an elastic band hit me on the cheek.
âOwww, bloody owww!!!â
Amazingly, not content with being completelosers, tossers and spoons, the Blunderboys were flicking rubber bands at us from behind our tree. And then hiding behind it as if we wouldnât know where they were. Like
Damien Broderick, Paul di Filippo