had blossomed. She was everything I was not—purely female. She’d been taught since birth to be a wife, and while she was smart and clever, she was not educated in worldly matters but knew just about everything about running a household. All I knew was taking care of myself and my father, who had done his share as well. I knew nothing of directing a staff, or of keeping a large busy castle running. I suddenly had a frisson of fear shiver down my spine. Would Max expect me to be able to do those things?
And yet, I’d managed here. The servants knew I was odd and tolerated it since they had no choice. The other ladies here avoided me. If I hadn’t had my friendship with Callista, they’d probably not ever speak to me at all. The children, at least those who were girls, liked me, but the boys did not, and the girls would inevitably be told I was a bad influence and to stay away from me.
I’d heard the cruelest comments from some of the women. “She’ll never be married.”
“Look at her, she even looks like a man with all that height.
“How awful it must be to know she will always be a burden and never have her own place.”
And the most confusing comment: I wonder if she even likes men, or it it’s women she prefers. I had no clue what that one meant, although I’d heard it more than once said with such distain I’d been sickly curious to find out what it’d meant. I was too shamed to ask Callista, however, who would have demanded to know who had said it and would have gone to my defense.
I’d managed here at the castle because Max, the ruler and fist of the castle, had not really noticed my existence. I just wasn’t important enough to gain his notice, a gift I’d been very thankful for. Well, I hadn’t gained his notice until today.
I finally said to Callista, “But I do believe that men are not better, just stronger.”
Callista looked exasperated. “Strength is what counts, cousin! They control everything—money, servants, us! All we have is what they allow us. How in any way does that make us equal?”
“But underneath it all…” I began doggedly. This was not the first time we’d had this argument. I’d been so sure when I’d come to the castle, but each year had weakened my belief until now I wondered if I truly believed it anymore.
“Cousin! Look at me!” Callista said firmly and a little wildly. “Today Max could have ordered your execution with one word. He didn’t even need a reason, although we gave him an excellent one. He rules us, and as your husband, he will certainly rule you. If you challenge him, you won’t last long. I swear that to you.” She looked at me to see if I understood. Unfortunately I did. I felt that wonderful part of me that knew I wasn’t a freakish giantess but a smart, witty woman, shrink and hide away. Truth was truth, and here, in this place, Callista’s words were true.
I sat down heavily on the bed, more unhappy than any time since my beloved father had died. Even when I’d been scared to death that Max might kill me at any moment I had still believed in myself. Now, I just didn’t know anymore. “Callie,” I said in a voice that was weak and hardly sounded like me, “I don’t know if I can bear it.”
She sat on the bed, our backs to the door, which had swung open as usual, and put her arms around me. “Kat, you just have to. You don’t have a choice.”
I was suddenly tired and dispirited. “I’m going to sleep. You’re right, Callie, I know you are. I can’t be myself anymore. I have to be whatever it is he wants. I’ll hate every minute of it, until I eventually lose the passion to even hate. You know I’m right in this.”
Callista nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, Kat. I wish I could help, but there is nothing for you with him. He will break your spirit. A man like him will accept nothing less. Why else do you think he chose marriage as your punishment? He’ll enjoy breaking you. The only question is how long you’ll