Lay It Down: Bastards MC Series Boxed Set Read Online Free PDF Page A

head. “That would mean he’d actually have to be paying attention to me and what I’m doing.”
    Matty raised an eyebrow. I sighed, pushing myself off the couch. I walked to the mini-fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I held it up, he nodded, and I tossed it to him before grabbing another for me. It was a long story that I didn’t really want to share, but I needed to. I walked back to the couch and sat with my legs folded under me.
    “Will cheated on me very early in our relationship.”
    He couldn’t hide the surprise on his face. I sighed again, sat back, and told him the whole story. He did better at concealing his emotions as I talked, but he shook his head in disbelief at the end.
    “I told him I’d forgive him that once, but that if it ever happened again, I would leave him.” I bit my lip. It was harder to say the next words than to think them, but I needed to explain, to defend Will. “Our love life has never been a normal one. When it’s good, it’s great, and when it’s bad, it’s awful. We go months sometimes without him touching me. If I try to initiate anything sexual, he complains that I’m too needy or just pushes me away. It is such a blow to my ego.” I took a deep breath. It killed me when he didn’t want me to touch him, and I couldn’t begin to count the nights when I’d cried myself to sleep because of his refusals.
    “The first time was after I had Benjamin. I’d gained a ton of weight through the pregnancy, and when Will didn’t want to have sex, I assumed it was because I’d gotten fat. I was too tired to exercise, so I went on an extreme diet, just so he’d want me again. He didn’t. His rejection made me sad, so I blew the diet, ate junk, and got bigger. But then a few months later, he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He said he loved my curves.” I laughed bitterly. “That became the vicious cycle of our lives. When he was in a funk, he didn’t even want to hug me. And instead of getting mad at him, I pointed that anger inward, chastising myself, trying every diet I could think of. But then he’d ignore me, and I’d yoyo and gain more weight. And then I’d hate myself.” I straightened my legs. “You know that the doctor told me I needed to lose the weight or I would be insulin dependent by forty.”
    He nodded. I’d gone to work crying after that appointment, and Matty had been my biggest supporter. He’d run pavement with me, gone to the gym on our lunch break, and helped me stick to a diabetic diet. With his help, I’d lost sixty of the extra pounds I had packed on since Ben’s birth.
    “During all my changes, I came to terms with Will’s behavior. I woke up one morning and realized that it was his issue, not mine. I needed to get healthy for me and the kids, and if it made my sex life better”—I smiled—“then it was an unexpected benefit.
    “Part of me thought that if I lost the weight, the old Will would appear and we’d be okay. But that didn’t happen. I begged him to get help for his…” I stumbled, not sure what word to use. “Issues. He talked to a doctor, but it didn’t change anything. He was never mean, just indifferent. That killed me. I wanted him to notice that I was making this huge change in my life and that it would ultimately be a huge change in our life.
    “When he didn’t, I got passive aggressive. I started to get pissy over dumb shit. Then he’d get mad at me over equally stupid shit. For the last six months, we’ve been on each other’s last nerve. We’ve argued about everything, even things we never argued about before. Like how to parent the kids, how to spend our money, and work. He’s been working on some big project that he never talks about; it felt like he was gone all the time. When he was home, he was annoyed with me constantly.
    “In early May, his parents asked if they could take the kids over summer break. I guess Will had told them he was working extra hours, and with my schedule, they wanted to