In This Life Read Online Free PDF

mind the fact that his fingers were short and thick.
    “Let’s go,” he ordered as he pulled me to my feet to lead me away from the group.
    We stumbled through the sand to a secluded area away from the others, behind a large palm tree surrounded by beach grass. We kissed and grappled until my dress was down to my waist and his head was between my breasts.
    “Are you ready for me, American girl?” He slid upwards while unbuttoning his jeans so that his lips rested on mine. My eyes remained closed—I was high and drunk and certain that I was in love with the cloudy dusk emanating from his eyes. “ Je vais te baiser ,” he whispered. That sounded so much sexier than “I’m going to fuck you,” didn’t it? There is no lewdness in French; everything sounds so fluid and chaste.
    The weight of his body as he started to push inside woke me up, and I was roused by a beautiful pair of eyes looking right into mine.
    Only they were baby blues and not dusky browns.
    “ Arrete ! S’il vous plait !” I pushed him off me with all my might. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this!” I sprang to my feet, straightening my clothes and tying my dress back behind my neck. He was too dazed to make a move. “I’m so sorry, Delmar, please forgive me. This is crazy.” I stumbled along the sand, trying to get as far away from everyone as quickly as I could. Wow, that was unsettling. I was officially losing it. I needed some time alone to summon back my sanity.
    “Spark!” Dante called from behind me. “Are you okay?”
    “I just need to take a walk,” I yelled back. “Don’t worry, I’ll only be a few minutes.” I shuffled briskly, embarrassed about getting carried away with sordid thoughts of some guy I just met in middle of the night.
    The light along the beach slowly dissipated as I moved further away from the group, my path illuminated only by the glow of the sea foam that rolled along the shore. I could see little of what lay ahead, except for a small light that shone right above the water like a beacon in the middle of nowhere. My curiosity was piqued. I let the light lead me, half drunk and questioning myself for moving this far away from the group. I made a mental note to turn back soon. Dante was going to be worried and I was sure he would blame me for once again interrupting his sex time.
    I stopped when I chanced upon a wooden structure held up by solid pillars rising high above the water, moving closer until I stood at the foot of the steep steps resembling a ladder built straight up against the landing. A Baan Rim Nam, meaning house on the water. Since the weather in Southern Thailand was prone to many typhoons and monsoon rains, these stilt houses were often built on cement posts to protect them from floating away.
    The raft house looked damaged or incomplete, only partially enclosed with bundles of bamboo. Its floor was uneven and rough, made with floorboards that hurt your feet. In the middle of the open space was a battery operated lantern, the source of the light that had guided me here. A neatly made up futon lay on the floor by the window, surrounded by a blanket, some clothes, and empty beer bottles. Above the bed a large wooden crucifix was nestled between the slats of wood, held together by unrefined rope.
    The front of the house was exposed to the clear, blue water. The view was unobstructed, surrounded only by dried out coconut palms held up by poles to shelter the home. It was evident that a storm had blown out part of it, leaving the toilet and sink area as the only section covered by a provisional wall. I stiffened impulsively as the floor behind me sagged with the weight of someone else.
    Even before I saw him, I knew.
    I felt my heart calming down, my stupor beginning to leave me. Slowly, I turned around to face him.
    “You found it.” Jude smiled at me. His eyes weren’t dark that night. They were hazel and luminous and light. There was no formal greeting, no, “What are you doing here?” It was