How to Rescue a Dead Princess Read Online Free PDF Page A

snatched the crystal out of Randall's grasp.
    “Good work, squire,” he said, taking a couple steps toward Princess Janice. “Ow! Charley horse!” He fell to his knees. Randall took the crystal, then went over and freed the princess.
    “Thank you,” she said, putting her arms around him. “You will be well-rewarded upon our return home.”
    Scar moaned and began to stir. “I'll handle this,” said Princess Janice, approaching the fallen woman and prodding her with her toe.
    Sir William gestured for Randall to bring the crystal over to him. Together they began to examine it. The glow was fading. “Fascinating,” Sir William said. “Absolutely fascinating. I wonder what other powers it has?”
    He ran his hand along the crystal. A huge beam of light shot from it, firing across the clearing and striking the princess in the back. She instantly exploded into flames and fell to the ground in a burning heap.

Chapter 4

    The Heroes Freak Out

    “ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH !!!”
    Randall dropped the crystal. It fired another blast of light that narrowly missed Sir William and incinerated the tree that he'd been chained to.
    They both rushed over to what was left of the princess. The flames abruptly vanished, revealing an extremely charred, blackened corpse.
    “Maybe she's not dead!” Sir William insisted.
    “Not dead? She's barbecue!”
    “Check for a heartbeat!”
    “I can see her heart! It's not beating!”
    “Check it! Check it!”
    Randall got down on his knees and rolled Scar out of the way. He pressed his hand against Princess Janice's chest and immediately pulled back. “Ow! That's hot!”
    “Check it! Check it! Check it!”
    “I'm gonna burn my hand off!”
    “I don't care!”
    Randall pressed down with his hand, wincing in pain. “Ooh! Ow! Ow! It's not beating. She's dead.”
    “Do that thing where you push on her chest a bunch of times to get her heart started!”
    “My hands'll break right through her! She's history! We killed her!”
    “Oh... fudge !” Sir William began to rapidly pace back and forth. “That's it, we're finished! The king is going to use our necks as horseshoe targets!”
    “We're not going back to the castle, are we?”
    “No way!”
    Randall had never seen Sir William so badly shaken. Of course, given the circumstances, it was a tad understandable.
    “No more knighthood for me. No more respect. No more ‘Sir’ before my name. No more late night skinny dipping parties. No more hair styling discounts. I'm ruined. Everything I've worked for all these years has been destroyed.”
    “It's probably not so thrilling for the princess, either,” Randall pointed out.
    Sir William sat down on the stump and buried his face in his hands. “We're fugitives,” he moaned. “I've been reduced to a common criminal.”
    “That's not true,” said Randall. “Common criminals won't have hundreds of people out trying to hunt them down like dogs.”
    Sir William began to weep.
    “I guess you two have a problem,” said Scar, sitting up. “Boy, I sure would hate to be you guys. Killing a princess? Whoa-mama! Looks like there's going to be some heinies in the kettle tonight.”
    Sir William looked up. “This is all your fault! I should rip you apart, epidermal layer by epidermal layer!”
    “Really? That would put a damper on my willingness to help you guys, then.”
    “How could you help us? And as a follow-up question, why?”
    “Well, let's consider your dilemma,” Scar began. “Dead princess. Now, what's the obvious solution to that problem?”
    “Make myself feel better by stomping the person who got us into this mess.”
    “Wrong. The solution is: Make it so the princess isn't dead. Bring her back to life.”
    “Oh, what a brilliant solution!” proclaimed Sir William. “I can't believe I let that one get by me!” He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted at the still-smoking corpse. “You heard the lady, rise and shine! C'mon, it's time for