How to Forgive Even When You Can't Forget Read Online Free PDF Page A

the individual in need of
your forgiveness is either apathetic or antagonistic toward you
after you have forgiven him, it should not in any way negate the
fact that you have forgiven the offense. Don’t let his attitude
alter the choice that you have already made. Remember that when you
have truly forgiven, it is as if the offense had never occurred.
Allowing the offender’s subsequent actions to pull you back into
your state of bitterness means that you have not completely
forgiven him.
    If a person displays a pattern of
continued behavior that is toxic to your happiness, you need to
consider your relationship with that individual. There comes a
point at which it is better to withdraw from an unhealthy
relationship. But even when a relationship becomes so toxic that it
must be severed you still need to forgive the offender, or else
bitterness will follow you long after your interactions with the
person have ceased.

Forgiveness is an
Attitude
    Ultimately, the other person’s
behavior after you have forgiven should not be a factor in your
attitude toward forgiveness. The Christian Bible tells of a
disciple who asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone.
“Up to seven times?” he added, hoping to impress his teacher with
his willingness to forgive.
    “ No, up to seventy
times seven times” was the teacher’s response. The point was not to
force the poor, uneducated fisherman to do the mental math. The
point was, and remains, that forgiveness needs to be an attitude
ingrained within us, an attitude that is not limited by rules or
doctrines.
    Forgive easily and move on. Let
the offender worry about his actions. You focus on what you can
control.

Chapter 11:
    What If You're the One Who Needs
Forgiveness?
    “ Much
unhappiness results from our inability to remember the nice things
that happen to us.”
    - W. N. Rieger
    What if you are on the other side
of the equation? No matter how you try, you will play the role of
the offender at some point. What can you do when you are the one
who needs to be forgiven?
    The answer is staggeringly simple.
Yet it has somehow become a lost art in contemporary culture. If
you need forgiveness, you should ask for it.
    Asking for forgiveness is not the
same as saying, “I’m sorry.” Asking for forgiveness should
incorporate the term directly, as in, “I know that I hurt you. Will
you please forgive me?” Or the even more powerful, “I was wrong.
Will you please forgive me?”
    This simple phrase is amazingly
effective at cutting through layers of bitterness and resentment.
It is difficult for a reasonable person to reject such an overture,
considering how infrequently forgiveness is actually
requested.
    The
person may very well be left slightly shocked at the request. But
the shock almost invariably turns to a genuine and
heartfelt forgiveness. If you put this into practice, you will find
that merely asking for it is a practical shortcut to receiving true
forgiveness.
    If you are the one who needs to be
forgiven, you cannot demand forgiveness, nor can you ask with the
expectation that you are going through a formality.
    The sincerity of your request is
what will move the other person to the point of forgiveness. A
wounded person can see through insincerity quite efficiently. An
insincere request will be more likely to cause further resentment
and distrust.

If you make a practice of asking
for forgiveness when you need it, others will notice and appreciate
your attitude. Your relationships will improve. You may even lay
the groundwork to make it easier for you to forgive a person at a
later date, if he learns from your example the power of asking for
forgiveness.
    If you really ingrain this trait
as a part of your personal make-up, it will be that much easier for
you to achieve a more encompassing attitude of forgiveness in
general.

Chapter 12:
    Breaking Free of the Chains of the
Past
    “ Forgiveness
does not change the past, but it does enlarge the
future.”
    - Paul