How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight Read Online Free PDF Page A
Author: Chris Dolley
comes to sensing spirits. Be prepared for them to treat you differently for the first day or so. And their eyes might turn red.
7. Can you be possessed and still juggle a family and a job?
When it comes to juggling, possession is a huge help, psychokinesis being a frequent side feature. Youâll be able to juggle anything you want â small children, furniture, cars. Nothing will be too difficult.
Testimonials
âI lost so much weight I could float above my bed!â â Lida Blair
âAll my life Iâve suffered from low self-esteem. I hated my body, and I hated that I ate so much. I tried every diet out there and none of them worked. Then I tried the Possession diet and WOW has my life changed! I was matched with Krokkatokka The All Powerful, Supreme Demon of All He Surveys â Even the Bits He Has to Stand on a Chair to See!
âHe taught me my true worth, and how to enjoy the small things in life â like having people prostrate themselves at my feet, trembling in fear in case they displeased me and I had to snuff out their puny, meaningless lives.
âNow I love my body, and I have a twelve-point plan for world domination!â â Sherry-Ann Smith, Future Ruler of the Known World â Even the Really Small Bits She Has to Look Up on the Internet.
âI LOVE this diet. My partner of six years had just dumped me and my self-esteem was in the toilet. Then a friend told me about Dr. Crapper and his Possession diet. It was AMAZING. I lost forty pounds in a week! But best of all I got to ruin my cheating, conniving, exâs wedding.
âI didnât mean to. I only wanted to weird him and the ho out a bit. I mean, can you BELIEVE they actually invited me to their wedding? Talk about nerve. Well, anyway, I thought Iâd give them the slow 360° head turn but ... my demon had other ideas and, before I knew it, I was in a full on Head Spin of the Projectile Vomiting Kind.
âThe wedding videoâs on YouTube. Itâs had 400,000 hits. Almost as many as my ex!â â Jilted Jill
âIâd tried everything to lose weight. Iâd had a gastric band fitted, my jaws wired shut. Iâd even had my nutritionist break my fingers with a surgical baseball bat. Nothing worked.
âThen a friend told me about the Possession Diet and I havenât looked back since. I was paired with a Brontosaurus and it gave me a TOTALLY different perspective on ideal body weight. Now I LOVE my body. And I LOVE salad. All I need now to make my life perfect is a second brain!â â Swamp Lover
âThis is the BEST DIET EVER!!! I eat what I want, when I want, knowing that at the end of every month I can lose all the weight, AND hang out with my new BFF!
âIt may cost a lot more than other diets, but it is SO worth it! And you soon get used to the tusks.â â Elephant Girl
âA lot of people at work say such negative things about Satan, but, BOY, does he help you lose weight!â â Archbishop Thomas of Norwich
Demon Dating Questionnaire
To find your perfect match, fill in the questionnaire below and send it to your nearest Crapper Clinic.
1. Do you like long walks? Maybe at night, running barefoot through woods? Or skipping through graveyards?
2. Do you have long hair which you like to brush forward and let hang over your face? Do you like crawling out of television sets?
3. On a train, do you like sitting facing the direction youâre travelling in, or looking back? If the latter, have you ever wished you could turn your head through 180° and observe the world behind you?
4. When planning a vacation, do you prefer somewhere hot or cold? Do you like really hot steam baths? The smell of sulfur in the morning?
5. Are you a nervous person? Could you cope with seeing a different face in the mirror every day for a week?
6. Do you like to look good? All the time? Would the odd wart, scale, or really weird-looking hairy growth freak you
7. Can you be possessed and still juggle a family and a job?
When it comes to juggling, possession is a huge help, psychokinesis being a frequent side feature. Youâll be able to juggle anything you want â small children, furniture, cars. Nothing will be too difficult.
Testimonials
âI lost so much weight I could float above my bed!â â Lida Blair
âAll my life Iâve suffered from low self-esteem. I hated my body, and I hated that I ate so much. I tried every diet out there and none of them worked. Then I tried the Possession diet and WOW has my life changed! I was matched with Krokkatokka The All Powerful, Supreme Demon of All He Surveys â Even the Bits He Has to Stand on a Chair to See!
âHe taught me my true worth, and how to enjoy the small things in life â like having people prostrate themselves at my feet, trembling in fear in case they displeased me and I had to snuff out their puny, meaningless lives.
âNow I love my body, and I have a twelve-point plan for world domination!â â Sherry-Ann Smith, Future Ruler of the Known World â Even the Really Small Bits She Has to Look Up on the Internet.
âI LOVE this diet. My partner of six years had just dumped me and my self-esteem was in the toilet. Then a friend told me about Dr. Crapper and his Possession diet. It was AMAZING. I lost forty pounds in a week! But best of all I got to ruin my cheating, conniving, exâs wedding.
âI didnât mean to. I only wanted to weird him and the ho out a bit. I mean, can you BELIEVE they actually invited me to their wedding? Talk about nerve. Well, anyway, I thought Iâd give them the slow 360° head turn but ... my demon had other ideas and, before I knew it, I was in a full on Head Spin of the Projectile Vomiting Kind.
âThe wedding videoâs on YouTube. Itâs had 400,000 hits. Almost as many as my ex!â â Jilted Jill
âIâd tried everything to lose weight. Iâd had a gastric band fitted, my jaws wired shut. Iâd even had my nutritionist break my fingers with a surgical baseball bat. Nothing worked.
âThen a friend told me about the Possession Diet and I havenât looked back since. I was paired with a Brontosaurus and it gave me a TOTALLY different perspective on ideal body weight. Now I LOVE my body. And I LOVE salad. All I need now to make my life perfect is a second brain!â â Swamp Lover
âThis is the BEST DIET EVER!!! I eat what I want, when I want, knowing that at the end of every month I can lose all the weight, AND hang out with my new BFF!
âIt may cost a lot more than other diets, but it is SO worth it! And you soon get used to the tusks.â â Elephant Girl
âA lot of people at work say such negative things about Satan, but, BOY, does he help you lose weight!â â Archbishop Thomas of Norwich
Demon Dating Questionnaire
To find your perfect match, fill in the questionnaire below and send it to your nearest Crapper Clinic.
1. Do you like long walks? Maybe at night, running barefoot through woods? Or skipping through graveyards?
2. Do you have long hair which you like to brush forward and let hang over your face? Do you like crawling out of television sets?
3. On a train, do you like sitting facing the direction youâre travelling in, or looking back? If the latter, have you ever wished you could turn your head through 180° and observe the world behind you?
4. When planning a vacation, do you prefer somewhere hot or cold? Do you like really hot steam baths? The smell of sulfur in the morning?
5. Are you a nervous person? Could you cope with seeing a different face in the mirror every day for a week?
6. Do you like to look good? All the time? Would the odd wart, scale, or really weird-looking hairy growth freak you
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