Here Comes Civilization: The Complete Science Fiction of William Tenn Volume II Read Online Free PDF Page A

Eksar had worked on me. It was like he'd made a special study of how I operate. From me alone, he had to buy.
    But why me?
    All that stuff on the receipt, about my equity, about my professional capacity, what the hell did it mean? I don't own Earth; I'm not in the planet-selling business. You have to own a planet before you can sell it. That's law.
    So what could I have sold Eksar? I don't own any real estate. Are they going to take over my office, claim the piece of sidewalk I walk on, attach the stool in the diner where I have my coffee?
    That brought me back to my first question. Who was this "they"? Who the holy hell were "they"?
    The switchboard girl finally dug up Ricardo. He was irritated. "I'm in the middle of a faculty meeting, Bernie. Call you back?"
    "Just listen a second," I begged. "I'm in something, I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I've got to have some advice."
    Talking fast—I could hear a lot of big-shot voices in the background—I ran through the story from the time I'd called him in the morning. What Eksar looked like and smelled like, the funny portable color TV he had, the way he'd dropped all those Moon rights and gone charging off once he'd been sure of the Earth. What Morris Burlap had said, the suspicions I'd been building up, everything. "Only thing is," I laughed a little to show that maybe I wasn't really serious about it, "who am I to make such a deal, huh?"
    He seemed to be thinking hard for a while. "I don't know, Bernie, it's possible. It does fit together. There's the U.N. aspect."
    "U.N. aspect? Which U.N. aspect?"
    "The U.N. aspect of the situation. The—uh—study of the U.N. on which we collaborated two years ago." He was using double-talk because of the college people around him. But I got it. I got it.
    Eksar must have known all along about the deal that Ricardo had thrown my way, getting rid of old, used-up office equipment for the United Nations here in New York. They'd given me what they called an authorizing document. In a file somewhere there was a piece of paper, United Nations stationery, saying that I was their authorized sales agent for surplus, second-hand equipment and installations.
    Talk about a legal leg!
    "You think it'll stand up?" I asked Ricardo. "I can see how the Earth is secondhand equipment and installations. But surplus?"
    "International law is a tangled field, Bernie. And this might be even more complex. You'd be wise to do something about it."
    "But what? What should I do, Ricardo?"
    "Bernie," he said, sounding sore as hell, "I told you I'm in a faculty meeting, damn it! A faculty meeting!" And he hung up.
    I ran out of the drug store like a wild man and grabbed a cab back to Eksar's hotel.
    What was I most afraid of? I didn't know, I was so hysterical. This thing was too big-time for a little guy like me, too damn dangerously big-time. It would put my name up in lights as the biggest sellout sucker in history. Who could ever trust me again to make a deal? I had the feeling like somebody had asked me to sell him a snapshot, and I'd said sure, and it turned out to be a picture of the Nike Zeus, you know, one of those top-secret atomic missiles. Only this was worse: I'd sold out my whole goddamn world. I had to buy it back—I had to!
    When I got to Eksar's room, I knew he was about ready to check out. He was shoving his funny portable TV in one of those cheap leather grips they sell in chain stores. I left the door open, for the light.
    "We made our deal," he said. "It's over. No more deals."
    I stood there, blocking his way. "Eksar," I told him, "listen to what I figured out. First, you're not human. Like me, I mean."
    "I'm a hell of a lot more human than you, buddy boy."
    "Oh, sure. You're a custom-built Cadillac and I'm a four-cylinder factory job. But you're not from Earth—that's my point. My point is why you want Earth. You can't personally need a—"
    "I don't need it. I'm an agent. I represent someone."
    And there it was, straight out, you are