about that. But right now, I need an answer in order to help you. Is this the man you saw inside the church the night of your parentsâ deaths?â
I thought of the cold air inside that small building after I pulled the door open, so cold it hurt to breathe. I thought of how dark it had been after the door clicked shut behind me, the only lights from the car outside, the beams muted through the stained-glass windows. More carefully, I stared down at the picture. Bald head. John Lennon glasses. Wispy mustache that looked like something a teenager, maybe Brian Waldrup, might grow.
âYes,â I told Rummel. âThatâs who I saw.â
When I finished eating, I tossed the Popsicle stick in the trash and headed upstairs. My sister had gone ahead of me, and a thin strip of light glowed beneath her door. No sound came from inside. As I got ready for sleep, I emptied my books from the tote and placed them on my desk until I pulled out the violet diary. Earlier that day, I had felt certain I would not bother, yet there I was searching for a pen. There I was turning to the first of so many empty pages as I sat on my bed. For a while, I did nothing but stare at the pink margins and lines, doing my best to conjure frivolous details from the life of that imagined girl. But she had gone silent, drowned out by the very different particulars of the life I was leading. At last, I clicked the pen and wrote the name DOT at the very top. But before I put down anything about the way the womanâs visit to our house led, in its own peculiar way, to greater troubles for my family, I found myself writing out Boshoffâs question: How would you describe yourself nooow ? This was my answer:
I am the only girl in school who dresses like it is June, even though it is October. Last yearâs fall and winter sweaters and pants and skirts are hanging in my closet and folded in my drawers, exactly where my mother left them. But I cannot go near those things. Not because I am beginning to outgrow those clothes, but because putting them on would mean rearranging the things she left for me. Not that it matters since Rose really is my legal guardian now and, like she said at the mall, she barely notices what I wear, even if itâs a flimsy tank top, capris, and flip-flops, and even if the temperature is dropping by the day, and even though she shouldâ
My sister really should notice.
Â
Chapter 4
Dot
M y parents always packed the same supplies. My father: an electromagnetic frequency meter, a motion sensor, thermometers, audio and video recorders, a high-resolution camera, ample rolls of film. My mother: a simple set of rosary beads, a well-worn King James Bible, pages dog-eared and highlighted in a rainbow of colors, and a solitary flashlight. As they prepared for their trip, Rose and I lingered by the front door in anticipation of the latest nannyâs arrival. How many times had I been disappointed? Yet there I stood, hoping for Mary Poppins to glide over the cedar trees. Instead, the nannies were all so bland they blurred in my mindâexcept for Dot, who arrived at our house when I was eleven and Rose fifteen, and who came to be the last nanny we ever had.
I remember watching from the front steps as she shoved open the creaky door of her mud-splattered Yugo and climbed out. Dot had skinny arms and legs, but a bulging midsection, hugged tight by the elastic waistband of her yellow uniform. Instead of a suitcase, she pulled a plastic laundry basket from the backseat.
âThis oneâs going to be an easy target,â Rose said as we watched the woman lumber up the walkway. âI almost feel bad for her.â
Run! I wanted to yell. Get out before itâs too late!
When she met us at the front steps, Rose skipped over any formal greeting and asked, âWhatâs with the bears?â
âBears?â Dot had a foamy mouth with permanent spittle in the corners of her chapped lips. Tiny
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