their shopping.
âHoney,â a passing clerk said, âare you okay?â
I looked up at the Can I help you? pin stuck to her enormous bosom but did not make eye contact. Instead, I just nodded before heading out to the parking lot. I couldnât find the truck at first, and I wandered the rows of vehicles, certain Rose had left without me. When I finally did spot it, there was no sign of her inside. The heat of the passenger door warmed my back as I waited. For a place teeming with cars, it seemed strange that so few people were around. In the distance, a woman strapped a wailing baby in a car seat. Farther away, a man in a green uniform arranged bags in his trunk. Other than that, it was just me out there until I heard keys rattle nearby. I turned to see Rose coming my way, sipping a mammoth soda and devouring an oversized bun out of a carton.
âWhere were you?â I asked.
âYou wasted so much time, I had no choice but to use the scummy restroom. And then I got hungry.â
She unlocked my door, went around to hers. As we climbed inside, Rose said she would leave it to me to explain the way I dress to Cora if the woman stopped babbling long enough to ask again. My sister started the truck, the monstrous engine vibrating the floor beneath my feet. âBesides, I barely notice what you wear when you walk out of the house anyway. More important: thereâs nothing I like less than hovering over a toilet seat in some filthy restroom. So donât make me do it again.â
On the drive back to our faded Tudor hidden among the thinning cedars and birch groves at the end of Butter Lane, neither of us spoke. Rose kept the windows down and failed to signal when she changed lanes, but the radio remained off. As the last of the sunlight vanished, I stared at the dead leaves on the lawns we passed. One family had carved their jack-oâ-lantern too soon and, with three days to go until Halloween, already the face was caving in on itself.
As we turned into our sloping driveway, past the faded NO TRESPASSING! signs, I couldnât help but glance at the basement window. A light used to remain on down there at all times. Considering the reasons my parents kept it on, I should not have longed for the sight of that yellowy glow seeping beneath the rhododendrons, but I couldnât help myself. Not that it mattered. The bulb burned out sometime after their deaths, and neither of us had gone down to replace it.
âIsnât it funny?â I said. âAll those times Mom and Dad went away and you fought for us not to have a nanny so we could be alone. Now, here we are. Just the two of us.â
Rose cut the engine. As we listened to the faint tip-tap beneath the hood, she untangled her hair, and I waited for that vibrating sensation to leave my feet.
âLike that time with Dot,â I began.
âWhy do you have to talk about that stuff?â
âI justââ
âI donât want to think about the past anymore, Sylvie. Mom and Dad chose their lives and beliefs and career. And look what happened. I know I should never have made that call. Believe me, I wouldnât have if Iâd had any idea what would come of it. But Albert Lynch would have found a way to get to them anyway. Or if not him, some other freak. So I donât think itâs good for either of us to go on about what used to be anymore. Once we get through the trial come spring, we have to leave it behind.â
As she spoke, I stayed quiet, watching her undo the snarls in her hair.
âSomeday, Sylvie, when you finish school and we move away from this house and live our separate lives, weâre going to forget the one we lived here. I know it seems hard to believe, but one day itâll be just a bunch of lost memories from a long time ago.â
Shhhh . . .
It had nothing to do with that sound; I heard her just fine. Yet I couldnât see how we would ever be able to leave any of it
Janwillem van de Wetering