change strategies. This time, I shot before Peter could get to me. But he jumped in front and it threw me off balance just a little as I kicked. The ball sailed wide of the goal.
âThatâs enough, Bryan,â Mom called to Dad from the stoop.
He didnât pay attention to her as he picked up the ball. âGracie, get around him. Do it again.â
I had to get it this time. Everything I wanted to do depended on it. I took my time setting up, just as Johnny always told me to. Then I charged at Peter, hoping the sheer force of my run would make him give ground.
It was a miscalculation. Peter blocked hard and knocked me back. I went down into the mud and slid.
My knee and arm stung, but I couldnât pay attention to it. I got up again as fast as I could and faced Dad. I knew it looked bad. I couldnât let it stop me.
He just looked at me as though heâd proven his point and there was no more to say. Without another word, ball in hand, he headed back to the house.
âI can do this!â I shouted after him as I jumped in front and tried to take the ball from him. âLet me show you.â
He held the ball high so I couldnât reach it. âItâs very simple,â he said calmly. âYouâre not tough enough. Those guys will destroy you.â
That was it. I couldnât hold back the tears anymore. The frustration and anger I felt made me feel close to exploding. I punched Dad angrily and let my tears flow without even trying to stop them.
âGracie, stop!â he said. There was kindness in his voice, but I didnât want to know about it. He tried to hug me. I just pushed him away. I couldnât be hugged by him, the man who didnât care about my hopes and dreams.
He went inside, followed by Mike and Daniel. Peter waited for me there in the rain. I wasnât in the mood to talk to him, though. Iâd told him to play hard, but did he have to play that hard? âGet out of here!â I shouted at him, still seething, my arms and knees stinging.
I was still standing there in the rain when his car pulled out of the driveway. Dad left next. Good. I didnât want to see any of their smirking, self-satisfied boy faces.
After a few minutes, Mom came out to the stoop. âGet cleaned up. You can ride with me,â she offered.
I figured I might as well go to school as hang around the house. I wiped the mud off with a towel, pulled on any old dry jeans and shirt, and, not even bothering to brush out my hair, got into the car with her.
As she drove, I tried to focus all my attention on the windshield wipers going back and forthâ¦back and forth. That way I wouldnât have to think about anything else.
After a couple of blocks, Mom broke the silence. âNot everything is possible,â she said.
âIt was for Johnny,â I replied sullenly.
âItâs different for you. Youâre a girl,â she insisted.
Iâd heard her say stuff like this before, and it made me crazy. She was always telling me how her mother said women have it tougher and had to accept lifeâs unfairness. Didnât she know there was a womenâs movement going on, that women were protesting and marching, trying to change things? Iâd never thought too much about it because I never thought it had anything to do with me. But at least I knew it was going on! What world did she live in?
âYou didnât have to take his side,â I mumbled, turning away from her.
Six
The next six months were sort of a blur. I guess I went to school and all, but I was numb inside. Everything seemed to be going on in some other world outside of me. I was far away from it all. It was better that way. Being removed from the world meant I didnât have to care about anything or feel anything or even think about anything.
I still thought about Johnny, of course. I thought about him every day when I fed his hawk, which I took into my room. The bird