Giggling Into the Pillow Read Online Free PDF Page A

something…?”
     

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Are You Sexy
Enough?
     
“How to Give Her 15 Screaming Orgasms Before
She Gets Both Her Shoes Off”
“We Review the 100 Best All-Natural,
Water-Based Non-Carcinogenic Lubes”“
“Can You Last An Hour, Or Are You a
Failure?”
“How Can I Tell If My Lover’s Prostate
Tastes Right?”
     
    Lifestyle magazines are full
of handy sexual tips these days. Due to various social and economic
rules that are closely tied to mankind’s baser instincts, it is
exceedingly rare indeed to find anything on the newsstands that
doesn’t have the word “orgasm” somewhere on the cover, up to and
including The Christian Science
Monitor and Highlights . And it can be difficult to
wade through this heaving onslaught of material without getting the
feeling that you might be somehow… lacking? Not as well versed in
the tantric Vedas as you should be? Do you find yourself unable to
quickly analyze your partner’s state of arousal by pheromone level
alone? Have you screwed enough people to constitute a sufficient
statistical universe? Is your score in the Purity Test
distressingly pure?
Well, Hoot Island does have its standards,
and we expect our readers to make the grade. Just take this handy
quiz to see if you have what it takes in today’s hip, savvy
boudoir:
     
To me, Sex is…
a. something to be shared between two people
in a loving, committed relationship
b. something to be shared with that redhead
over there
c. something to be shared between seven
people in a loving, committed relationship
d. a supremely athletic event that’s getting
ruined by amateurs and corporate sponsors, like surfing
e. more necessary than air
     
My favorite sex toy is powered by:
a. “C” batteries
b. a car battery
c. a turbine engine
d. an intricate network of gears, pulleys,
waterworks and pack animals
e. a small, self-contained nuclear power
plant
     
The last place I had sex was:
a. in bed, with the lights off
b. on the dining room table, with the lights
on
c. on the dining room table at the Embassy
Hilton, with the lights on
d. in an Esprit V8 going 160 mph through a
mountain pass at midnight, with the lights off
e. inside a coffin, during a cremation
     
I judge a man's sexuality by his:
a. length
b. length and width
c. imagination
    d. length, width, and imagination, and
credit rating, and golf handicap
e. network of scar patterns
     
What are the only utterly necessary steps
of any sexual encounter?
a. male orgasm
b. intercourse, male orgasm
c. foreplay, intercourse, male and female
orgasm
d. foreplay, multiple mutual orgasms,
intercourse, multiple mutual orgasms, intercourse, multiple mutual
orgasms (repeat)
e. Stamping ground, flapping arms while
displaying cheek pads in aggressive display, hooting loudly,
flinging dung at rivals, building a nest to attract the female
butcherbird, orgasm, consuming mate and depositing eggs in
still-warm corpse
     
I judge a woman’s sexuality solely by
her:
a. hooters
b. sensual, confident attitude
c. willingness to have sex with me
d. hooters and willingness to have sex with
me
e. willingness to have sex with me and any
three of my buds
     
How many of your lover’s erogenous zones
have you successfully located?
a. 12
b. 35
c. all of them
d. only the ones on my lover’s actual
body
e. all of them, and I created three
more
     
Judging from your own experience, what is
the average length of a man’s penis?
a. 9”
b. 10”
c. 11”
d. a and c
e. I add the sum of all the lengths and
divide by the number of man currently in bed
     
How do you keep track of your lovers
afterwards?
a. my diary
    b. reading The National Enquirer
c. collecting CDs of every band I’ve
had
d. a dedicated computer database, online so
it can be updated from anywhere, instantly
e. my staff handles that sort of thing
     
I learned about sex from:
a. my
parents/uncle/aunt/teacher/coach/parole officer
b. my schoolmates
c. porn videos
d. porn videos starring my parents
e. directing porn