Giggling Into the Pillow Read Online Free PDF Page B

else
     
     
Scoring
     
Give yourself 1 point for every “a” answer,
2 points for every “b”, 3 points for every “c”, 4 points for every
“d”, and 5 points for every “e”. Add ‘em up and find yourself
below.
     
    20 — 39 points: I’m sorry, but I’m afraid this book really isn’t
for you. Perhaps you might consider reading a nice religious tract,
or keeping bees, or whatever it is that boring people
do.
    40 — 59 points: Not bad, not bad at all. You’re very nearly sexy
enough to hang out with us, but you’d be, metaphorically speaking,
the guy that always gets sent for beer.
    60 — 79 points: Now we’re getting somewhere. Sexy, adventurous,
relatively uninhibited, selfish enough to be exciting in bed and
insufferable everywhere else. You’d do anything someone asked you
to, but you’re not at your best when it comes to inventing your own
moves. I’d do you and even admit to it afterwards.
    80 — 99 points: Yow! You’re a smoking hottie and you’ve got rock
stars hanging around your front doorstep waiting for you to come
out. If only they knew your heart belongs to… well, you. You’re
impulsive, exciting, and ready to drop everything and go at it
wherever you are. You’d bang the priest during your own funeral if
you could get the book out of his hands, and we love you for
it.
    100 points: You are a sex god/dess, and I can only assume that
your love slave filled out this questionnaire under your precisely
screamed orders. You certainly wouldn’t have had the time. You
don’t play at destroying marriages, you bring down governments. You
are the destroyer manifested in supple flesh, and we kneel before
you. Carefully. Or else you’re just a total slut, but that’s good
too.
     
     

-------------------------

How Was Your
Service?
     
The following is, as close as I can remember
it, a verbatim conversation held in bed one cozy morning:
     
“That was exceedingly pleasant.”
“Thank you, thank you, all part of the
service.”
“Really? Is there a tip jar?”
“No, your gratuity was included in your
bill. Skooch over, you're hogging the blankie.”
“I thought that was only when the party was
over 7 people?”
“It's a complimentary service I provide for
my best customers. Gimme.”
“Then I should fill out the comment card.
Here, you can't get more blankie because you're lying on it. Now,
comments… I never have a pen when I need one…”
“What does the card say?”
“Hey, don't snoop while I'm writing. Hmmm.
'Quality of Service? ' Excellent.”
“Thank you.”
“'Promptness? ' Well, you were a little slow
getting started…”
“That's because you kept dropping those real
subtle hints about me needing more protein in my diet, and how you
just happened to know where I could get some freshly squeezed, so I
pretended to be asleep 'til you got serious.”
“I was very serious, and that'll lose you
points. ‘Failure to take the customer's desires under account’.
I'll just note that under 'How May We Improve? '“
“Hey, I didn't laugh at your orgasm face,
that ought to qualify me for Employee of the Month.”
“Yes, you did!”
“No, I was laughing at the noises you were
making, chipmunk boy.”
“Wow, you get surly when you're off duty,
don't you?”
“You started it. And don't call me
surly.”
“Let's see… 'Quality of food'. Exquisite. I
should thank the chef.”
“I don't think my parents are near a phone.
You could thank God, I suppose. But call it something else, if I
hear you thanking God for my pussy I'll just get embarrassed.”
    “I'll put it in French,
that's what the best restaurants do anyway. Uh,
“ chaud humide chat ”
or something. Nah, if I was going to do that I woulda said grace
beforehand. Besides, then I'd feel obligated to do the same
whenever I was dissatisfied with the service.”
“Hey! When have you ever been dissatisfied
with the service?”
“Just planning for the future, m'luv.”
“More comments like that and there won't