Gertie's Paranormal Plantation: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy Read Online Free PDF Page A

Johnson. When I first met him, he was introduced to me as Randy Johnson and the name just stuck with me. I didn’t find out until later that he earned that as a nickname after someone found his cellphone and it was loaded up with pictures of his large throbbing erection, what he called his Randy Johnson.
    It may seem a bit odd, but Randy lives with me at the plantation. He’s also my business partner and my friend Kelly’s brother. We live together but we’re only friends. It’s not because he isn’t a very attractive man, because he is. He’s sort of tall with an average build, light complexion, and meticulously groomed black hair, which is a bit on the long side. He’s a sharp dresser and the perfect person to have along when I go shopping for shoes or to suggest what colors would look good together.
    After he stopped in here with my other friends last year, he was so excited about the possibilities for this plantation he nearly hyperventilated. Actually, he may have. In any case, I asked him to join me and see what he could come up with. Besides helping me out with the pet shop, he’s been working at making this place into a bed and breakfast for our fellow paranormals. I’ve also appreciated his help with catching up on modern slang.
    He sounds like he’d make a pretty good boyfriend, now that I think about it. The only thing is that Randy is gay, or as he calls himself, my cliché gay friend . He’s also a witch in training.
    “Gerrrr-teeeee…Hey!” Randy interrupted my thoughts.
    “Yep. I’m upstairs.”
    Rapid thumping told me that Randy had quickly ascended the large open stairs. His head poked in through my bedroom doorway. “Good. You’re back. I found out something today that I know you’ll be excited to hear.”
    I patted my hand on the mattress. “Well, get over here and tell me. What is it?”
    “Let me ask you this, Gertie. How happy would you be if your boyfriend could move down here from Chicago?”
    “Beyond happy. You know that. There are only two problems. He’s a fireman and it’s not as if we live in a city that hires brigades of firemen. Even if there was a job for him, I’m not going to beg him to move here. I’d be asking him to leave his hometown, his family…what if he regrets it? Even a little? No. I’d rather just wait and see if he makes that move on his own.”
    “Aw that’s bullshit and you know it.”
    “Excuse me? I think it’s perfectly sensible.”
    “The job, I can understand. But on your second reason, I’m throwing the bullshit flag. And another thing, when the hell did Gertie O’Leary suddenly become perfectly sensible?” Randy stood up and walked over to the window and pointed down to the marshy pond in the back yard. “You’ve got a pond full of manatees that you impulsively stole—”
    “Rescued! I rescued them from that God forsaken, cruel Venezuelan marine life park.”
    “Sure, rescued, just like the chimps from the research lab. And you’ve got Nessie-lite down in the bayou. My point is, that’s what you do. It’s your shtick. You’re impulsive, impractical, and even a little clueless. But because of that, you’re also an idealistic, romantic, starry-eyed dreamer that isn’t afraid to be herself, regardless of what anyone else’s expectations are. Last year we went to the farmers market and you wore lime green, knee-high, pleather boots and a pink, strapless, lace mini-dress. And were you walking a dog? No, you had an overweight, six foot long iguana on a leash.”
    “Don’t forget my rose colored sunglasses and white beach hat!”
    “Yes. How could I? Nobody in Thibodaux will forget that. Suddenly you want to fight that? Don’t. Please.”
    “Well, no, I suppose I don’t. But Burt really needed the exercise.”
    “You see, Gertie, we’ve got something in common. Can you guess what that is?”
    “We both like pineapples on pizza and we both like hot men?”
    “Exactly! I mean, sort of. Because of that, I’ve learned that