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years together, and though most of it hasn’t been what we hoped for, we also knew on the day we walked down the steps into the bunker that we wouldn’t be able to foretell the future. The best we could do was stick it out, together.” His eyes keep blinking, oddly, like a paranoid tick has overcome him. I don’t understand what’s happening.
    “Jordan, stop it,” Mom says to Dad from across the table. “Do we have to do it like this? There are other ways.”
    “There are no other ways, Cecily,” Forest growls. “We made a vow to one another and we can’t do anything else in this world. I owe that much to Jack.” His eyes flash with anger as he grabs hold of the edge of the table.
    “What about the cowboy? What about what he said?” Mom pleads. “At least for some of us?” Her eyes dart to Diane and me.
    I don’t understand the urgency from everyone in the room. They said they had a plan, so why’s Mom freaking out? Dad said everything was going to be okay.
    “We have to do this now, Jordan, or something, or someone ,” Mark turns towards my mother, pointing his finger, “will do something to sabotage it.”
    The room’s overcome with a gravity I can’t grasp, and I hold my hands up in confusion, trying to grab hold of any words I might recognize, but everything slips past me. I’m scared to look into anyone’s face, scared of what I might find.
    “Fine. I made this promise. We all did. I just didn’t know it would be so soon,” Mom says.
    Realizing no one’s going to answer my questions, I give up knowing they’ll continue to treat me like the child they believe me to be. Nothing’s going to change overnight; I might as well pretend Charlie never knocked on our front door.
    “Dad, can we play chess then before bed?” I look to him, thinking about the many games of chess we’ve played together over the years. During a game he says, “Always look in your opponent’s eyes, trust your instincts, trust your gut.”
    “Not tonight.” He looks into my eyes, and I know I can trust him, just like he’s asked. I smile, practicing patience like I’ve been taught, but inside confusion tears at me.
    Though I don’t understand him at the moment, I know Dad loves me. All the people at this table do, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. These are the people who’ve taught me everything I know about the world. These people are my family. Which makes the fact that I have no idea what’s going on with them all the more complicated.
    Diane begins to sob, and I want to do something to stop her tears, but I’m too scared to move. Nothing makes sense, Diane never cries, Forest never yells, and Mark never points fingers. Pretending things are going to go back to normal won’t work, everyone’s breaking protocol tonight.
    “Look at her, Mark. Is this what you want it to be like? Do you?”
    “Don’t you dare talk to him like that, Cecily,” Diane raises her voice at Mom. “We’re doing this and we’re doing it now.”
    The room is quiet and I’m in suspense for what Mom will say next, but she doesn’t fight, doesn’t push back. Instead she nods solemnly, agreeing to Diane’s words.
    Mom and Diane stand and begin closing the blinds on all the windows in the house, embracing after they finish their task. This exchange after the entire evening has been fueled with intensity feels off. They hold one another for longer than normal, and I’m held captive by this unusual display of affection. A peace offering for a fight I didn’t understand.
    Diane and Mark walk into the kitchen, leaving a heavy silence to hang over the dining room. I don’t know what we’re doing, the thing everyone else understands. I want to ask, but my throat’s tight and the recycled air I breathe constricts my airway. All I want to do is run outside and pull in a long deep breath.
    Diane walks back into the room, carrying a tray of steaming mugs filled with fancy sachets of leaves. I’ve never seen these before.