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It’s been difficult lately. Some days are better than others. Work and rugby keep me going.”
    Gramps looks me in the eyes with concern. “Look Ben, I’ve been quiet for a long time because I respected your right to grieve, but I’m worried about you. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you.” He touches my arm and with a determined look says, “I understand what it feels like to have love and then loss. Your grandma was my world, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t stop and think of her. We had forty years together, and she was the love of my life.” I look away from him because his words are too much to take in, but he continues.
    “Ben, I know Beth is your world, but you have a whole lot more living to do. I’m too old for a relationship, but that doesn’t mean if some lady came my way I would turn a blind eye.” He winks at me and gives me a smirk. “Your grandmother was sick for a long time, but she told me she wanted me to be happy and live my life fully.” Looking at him, I can see he understands loss. “Don’t be a fool, boy. When you love someone, they want what’s best for you, no matter what. Beth loved you like that, and she would want you to have the best. She would want you to be happy and live the life you’re meant to.”
    My face feels hot and flushes as another wave of nausea strikes me. Gramps has a way of getting to me like no one else. I really want to believe in what he’s saying. I’m sure Beth would want me to be happy, but how do I do that? Rubbing my neck to calm the queasiness, I find words to answer him. “I hear what you’re saying, but it’s easier said than done. How do I do it?”
    Gramps lightly slaps me on the back and says, “If you’re ready, then I’ll help you. Listen to your old gramps and do what I say. Take each day as it comes and try to move forward. Open your eyes. It’s time, Ben.”
    I shake my head while silently agreeing to myself to make an effort. Maybe he’s right. I can’t keep living and grieving like this. Beth would want more for me, just like I would want more for her. Trying to sound surer of myself than I really am, I put my hand out for him to shake it. “Okay old man, you’ve got yourself a deal! Come on, it’s time for dinner.” Helping Gramps out of his chair, we slowly make our way to the house. Just as we reach the steps I look over at the old oak tree and think of her. Suddenly, a strong breeze rustles through the leaves. Looking up, I can’t help but wonder if this is the sign I wanted earlier from Beth. My mouth turns upward. “Time to move forward, Gramps, it’s time to move forward.”

 
     
     
    Finally, things feel like they are coming together. After my nightmare of a run-in with Nathan a week ago, I have officially put my past behind me. Graduation is just one week away, and the growing excitement around campus is contagious. Jenny and I are enjoying the last few weeks of college life, which includes drunken pub-crawls and rooftop parties.
    While other friends are searching for jobs, I’m all set. The school I completed my student teaching in has hired me, as their kindergarten teacher for this fall. I am feeling very lucky. But the one thing that truly bums me out is that Jenny will soon head back to California to work with her family. We’ve been through so much together. I’m not ready to say goodbye to that.
    She’s helped me with my family drama, and I hugged her while she cried over her love life … or lack thereof. When her brother’s fiancée, Beth, died, I held her while we watched old black and white movies until she fell asleep. She’s like a sister to me. She’s the one person I can count on; she’s my family. My own parents don’t count. I can only imagine what graduation next week will be like with them both present in the same room. God, I can feel the headache already. There are not enough shots of tequila to prepare me for the drama.
    Our apartment is beginning