Fifty Shades Of Sparkling Vampires With Dragon Tattoos That Play Starvation Games Read Online Free PDF Page A

getting lost in Hunky's eyes, the love of my life
wanted to waste perfectly good dry humping time talking about dumb
stuff like the future. The council of stuffy vampires with no sense
of humor declared that I must either be killed or turned super
fangy, but instead of just making with the sucky sucky, Hunky had a
bucket list for me before I went vamp.
    God forbid I turned into a vampire
without first experiencing the wonder of getting explosive diarrhea
as a human one last time. There were of course other things Hunky
wanted me to experience. The acknowledgement that a great many
people's lives had gone bye bye over my humdrum existence, the
philosophical ramifications of being immortally whiny, and of
course finally getting around to taking that underwater basket
weaving class.
    Hunky also thought it would be pretty
neato if we got hitched. Then we could bump nasties the respectable
way. But did I really want to get married so young? What would the
other vampires think of me just giving my genital giblets away to
honeymoon horniness at the first sign of adulthood? Then again, it
wasn't everyday you ran into an impossibly hot 104 year old (and
bravo on living over a century without even developing even a hint
of a personality).
    So the stage was set for the epic
shotgun marriage of the year (yippee for haphazard matrimony). But
unfortunately I had to go and get two dreamy hunks to fall in love
with me (my dateless friends just didn't understand how hard it was
having shirtless hot men fall all over themselves for you). My old
wolfie buddy took time away from sniffing other werewolves butts
long enough to declare his undying love for me. Now back in the
days when I had the worst perm in the history of hair gel, I used
to dream about hot guys fighting over me. But as someone who hated
math, love triangles sucked.
    Still, I let Second Fiddle and his
shirtless hunkiness say his piece:
    "The wolf in me wants to hump your leg
like a wanton jackhammer," Second Fiddle said. "But the six packed
hunk in me wants to love the shit out of you--even when you get so
old that you're pooping in your adult diapers and can't remember
where you left your dentures."
    "Wow. That's a creepy amount of love."
But instead of being put off, I was totally giddy. "A girl can
never have enough over the top grandstanding."
    "Does that mean you'll run off with me
into a field of daisies where we can giggle at each others
stupidity and take each others reproductive organs for a
spin?"
    "I'm sorry, but you know my ovaries are
already reserved for Hunky McBrooding. Besides, I only run through
fields of pussy willows. Daisies? Sheesh, what kind of a hussy do
you take me for?"
    "No no no. I respect every inch of your
exquisite deliciousness. And I worship the magnificent symphony of
your irrepressible being. Even your farts bring me unmitigated
glee. Not to mention that time you had pink eye--absolute rapture,"
Second Fiddle cooed.
    "Second Fiddle, you could find a way to
make projectile vomiting sound sweet. Surely you could find a much
more chipper girl to want to stick your naughty bits
into."
    "I don't want a nicer, smarter, hotter
girlfriend. I want you. Besides, I've been doing dong pushups just
for you."
    "You have such convincing arguments.
It's going to be really hard to crush your soul beyond
recognition."
    "Did I mention I'm friends with some
unicorns? I could probably introduce you if give my wang a
chance."
    "I'm sorry. But as I mercilessly turn
your heart into mulch, just know that you never had a shot to begin
with. Now, off to my brooding bedfellow."
    "Fine. Then you leave me no choice but
to convince you with my soft tender lips." Second Fiddle then gave
me a big time smoocheroo.
    The kiss hijacked my body with giddy
bliss, then my brain went and got in the way (see, thinking really
was bad for you). What about my hunk at home? Could I really
picture spending the rest of my life with a wolf that enjoyed
sticking his head out the window on car