Fifty Shades Of Sparkling Vampires With Dragon Tattoos That Play Starvation Games Read Online Free PDF

rides? Besides, imagine how
hairy out kids would be.
    I immediately put a stop to the
peckeroo in progress and gave Second Fiddle a look of righteous
anger for good measure before slugging his ruggedly handsome
face.
    ***
    Hunky was none too happy about a sly
dog trying to put the moves on my tonsils. I acted offended too,
but really my taste buds were intrigued. So while Hunky furiously
told Second Fiddle off, my head took a field trip to the magical of
"what if?" Things only got more complicated when Second Fiddle
profusely apologized, leaving me with a lot of thinking to do
(gosh, using my brain was a real bummer).
    Unfortunately my good for nothing
noggin hadn't decided which impossibly hunky guy to lust after for
eternity by the time vampire civil war came to Spork (yay, more
people trying to kill me). And amazingly enough, it wasn't all just
some big mistake. The entire paranormal world of vampires and
werewolves were about to duel to the death over my bone headed life
(apparently they didn't realize I was the plainest girl in the
history of ordinary).
    So with Psycho and her newfangled army
of sparklies, I was sent off to hide with Hunky and Second Fiddle
while the local wolves and vampires scratched their heads trying to
figure out what was so special about me (surprise--absolutely
nothing). Meanwhile in the super secret hiding place that Psycho
would have no trouble finding later, I was in the middle of a hunk
hoagie. Unfortunately, my sausage sandwich was not nearly as
satisfying as I'd always fantasized. I guess that was what happened
when the two beefcakes you loved hated each others guts. With
disaster looming though, the two formed an unlikely
truce.
    "Hey, so I hate your undead guts,"
Second Fiddle said to Hunky, as I pretended to sleep.
    "Yeah. Well I think you're a shirtless
schmuck," Hunky fired back.
    "Wow. This truce has gone completely
different than I envisioned. Maybe that's because you're a
pretentious twit."
    "Oh shut up, you brawny bozo. Remember,
this truce is what's best for Nella. Namely, her still being alive
to twaddle my magic wand later."
    "I always do what's best for Nella, you
brooding nincompoop. And I'm going to do everything to keep her
alive so she can feast on my hoo ha."
    "Yeah. Well thanks for risking your
life even though you have no shot of ever getting into her pants,
turd-a-saurus rex."
    "Don't worry. I won't her get a scratch
on her, douche magoosh."
    "Ha. Maybe this truce won't be so bad
after all. Now rest up. It would be a shame if you bit the big one
tomorrow, numb nuts."
    ***
    With the loves of my life able to
strike a half assed alliance, I was free to forget the battle at
hand and talk about important things like my upcoming
nuptials.
    "Just so you know, I'm going to be
completely worthless during this fight," I said over breakfast.
"You'll probably have to save my ass a lot."
    "What else is new?" Hunky responded.
"Good thing you're amazingly ordinary or I would have never fallen
in love with you."
    "Just think of all the terrible new
ways I can risk our lives with once we're married."
    "Your mind is a scary scary thing,"
Hunky said. "Now, back to our wedding. I was thinking we should
have an erotic balloon animal display right at the
entrance."
    "Well, duh."
    "Then maybe a corn maze leading up the
alter."
    "Exactly. We should make people really
have to work to see us tie the knot. God, it's like we're speaking
the same twisted language."
    "Yeah. The language of melodramatic
love."
    "Wow. Immortality is going to be so
awesome."
    "Now, let's spoon and make Second
Fiddle furiously jealous," Hunky said.
    But Second Fiddle had been listening in
the whole time and wanted to kill himself like it was nobody's
business. As far as he was concerned, the friend zone could kiss
his ass. He thought maybe he'd be lucky enough to die in the heat
of battle and find an afterlife babe to bone.
    I sensed Second Fiddle's inner turmoil
though (plus he had this really agonizingly constipated