Fifty Shades of Shade - "The Fifty Shades of Grey Parady" Read Online Free PDF Page A

you like me?” Shade asks Ramiro.
                  Melissa answers for him. “Mr. Shade, can you sit here please?” She points to a standing vase.
                  “He can’t sit on that,” Ramiro tells her.
                  “Right. Then stand here.” She points Mr. Shade to the part of the wall where all the lights and camera were already set up.
                  Once Shade is ready, Ramiro is snapping away. First he takes a few handheld shots, then he puts it on the tripod and takes a few more, then he does a handstand and takes a couple. Then he holds the camera in his mouth and goes two inches from Shade’s face. The flash causes Shade to blink. As the top lid meets the bottom lid, I feel my heart race.
                  It’s the first chance I get to stand back and look at Shade, not counting all the other times where I was standing back and looking at him. I admire him from kinda far, but not so far, but still a little far away. Twice our eyes lock. And twice I fall back on the floor from the force of our connection. Now I have a headache again. What was I saying? Oh yeah, he’s supernaturally hot.
                  “I think we have enough,” Ramiro announces, holding the camera between salad tongs while standing on top of a bucket.
                  “I look forward to reading the article, Miss McCallahan.” He turns to me. “Will you walk with me, Miss Stool ?” he asks.
                  “Okey dokey pokey,” I say, trying not to sound stupid. I glance at Melissa. She just shrugs at me. I look at Ramiro who’s making stabbing motions at Shade’s back. I don’t think Ramiro likes Shade.
                  “Good day to you all,” says Shade as he opens the door, standing aside to allow me out first.
                  Holy Crapsicles! What’s this about? I pause as Shade comes out of the room.
                  “I’ll call you, Cheryl,” he tells the buzzcut face tattoo guy. Cheryl nods, then wanders his brutish frame back down the hall.
                  Shade turns his volcanic gaze to me.
                  “I wondered if you would join me for coffee this morning?”
                  My heart poops in my mouth. A date? Sebastian Shade is asking me out on a date.
                  “I have to drive everyone home,” I murmur.
                  “Cheryl,” he calls. The man he calls Cheryl runs back down the hall to us. “Cheryl can take them home. He’s my driver. I have a large 8 x 8. It’s the size of two 4 x 4’s. Enough room for the equipment too. Now, will you join me for coffee?”
                  “Um, er, Mr. Shade, er, ar, um, this is really, er, ud, um, look, Cheryl doesn’t have to take them. I’ll switch vehicles with Melissa.”
                  Shade smiles a dazzling mouthsmile at me.
                  I walk back in and go up to Melissa. “Sebastian Shade invited me for coffee.”
                  Her mouth drops. She bites into my arm and drags me across the room to talk to me in secret. “There’s something about him,” she says. “I think he’s dangerous. And you’re so innocent.”
                  Usually, hearing someone that you’re attracted to is dangerous makes them less attractive. But, this time, it was different.
                  “Melissa, it’s just coffee. I have to study anyway. I won’t be long.”
                  She purses her lips, as if considering my request. Finally, she gives me her keys. Ramiro gives me a frowny face.
                  “Don’t be long, or I’ll hunt you down with vicious bloodhounds,” she tells me lovingly.
     
                  We walk four blocks to the Generique Coffee House. Shade holds the door open for me, letting it shut behind him on