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was gone, I was an open festering wound with no
salve in sight. Would these tears ever end would I ever be whole again? I
haven't felt whole since my publicist Karen called and told me about those
pictures, right back stage at the awards show, everything had been going so
well that night, in fact that whole day, but with one phone call she had shattered
my existence. I remember my limbs going weak, my head spinning and my body
breaking out in a cold sweat. I had found Gage right away and told him, what,
I'm not quite sure. I just remember pleading with him not to leave me. I
remember also the look on his face and in his beautiful eyes; oh will I ever
forget the devastation I had seen there? He had stayed still until he uttered
those final words that had crushed what was left of the girl I had been. "
Don't come home." Those were the words he had spat at me as he looked at
me as though he could kill me with his bare hands. Those were the last words he
said to me until the last couple days when he would swear at me over the phone.
Gage swore a lot but in all the time we'd been together, no matter how angry I
had made him, he never once called me names. He was my protector my shield from
all those harsh realities that a little small town innocent like me wasn't
ready for. Now he was gone and I didn't know where to begin to pick up the
pieces, I'd even tried calling his family not for their support obviously, but
just for someone to hear my side, but Connie had been so vile I had barely come
away with my heart intact.
    How did I go
from America's darling to this? What kind of cosmic joke was at play here?
Maybe I would wake up and this would've all been a dream. I sniffed the last
dregs of Gage's scent from the sleeve of his hoodie as I rocked myself back and
forth on my dad's old worn couch. With no other recourses left to me I did what
I had been doing for the past week, I texted him knowing there would be no
reply, but it was somewhat cathartic for me to do it, in some small way it was
a connection to him. My heart hurt and the tears flowed as I heard my family
heading into the living room where I was hiding. "I love you Bubby, please
forgive me." Send.

Chapter
12

 
    The strings of
Gotye's somebody that I use to know alerted me to an incoming text. Two guesses
as to who that was from. It was amazing what you could come up with at three in
the morning when you were feeling pissed off and mean. Bubby. That was her pet
name for me, it was derived from some old world endearment that she had learned
from her grandmother, or at least that's what she’d told me for all I know it
could be Russian for sucker. Angry much Gage? This talking to myself shit was a
fucking hoot but I digress, the family was harping at me about talking to her.
I had finally broken down and told Brian to give James the go ahead to do an in
depth investigation into what the fuck had happened. I knew that fucker would
leave no stone unturned.
    It was only
after a long talk with my sister, where she pointed out the incongruity of
Suzette's actions to me that I relented a little. She raised some doubts that I
had had fleetingly but was too pissed to examine. I was waiting for word from
James before I made a move; already I knew she was home in the next town over
with her father a short one-hour drive away. Knowing she was that close brought
me comfort and that pissed me the fuck off too, why should I care that she was
here where I could get to her without the specter of the asshole paparazzi
lingering behind every bush waiting to ambush us? Because if there was one
thing I knew it was that Captain Steve Sorenson would never allow those fucks
in his town, especially not if they were there to hound his beloved daughter.
    Bubby, I was
her Bubby and she was my butterfly. Suzette had convinced herself that she
wasn't the beauty that me and the rest of the world perceived. She'd told me
about her life growing up in the small town where she had been the shy book
nerd