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sounded as we passed my floor.
     
    “Do you really think this is a fling?” I asked.
    The doors slid open to reveal a summer night,
    Not quite dark,
    Still muggy,
    Hot,
    Perfect.
     
    Jesse exited the elevator without me;
    I followed him to the edge of the roof.
    He leaned against the wall;
    I sat next to his feet.
    Talking would be easier without having to
    Look him in the eye.
     
    I waited.
    I’d learned that Jesse needed time to order his words,
    The same way I did.
     
    “His mom didn’t stay,
    But she left money on the counter for rent.”
     
    “That’s something,” I said.
     
    “Yeah,” Jesse said.
     
    More silence.
    Increased nerves.
    Stronger worry.
     
    “I brought home pizza tonight.
    We’re doing okay.”
     
    “Okay,” I echoed.
     
    Longer silence.
    Deeper shadows.
    Stretched patience.
     
    My butt felt numb,
    Yet I didn’t move.
     
    “I don’t know if it’s a fling,” Jesse finally said.
    “I don’t know if he’s using you because
    He’s lonely,
    Scared,
    Sad,
    Or what.”
     
    He took a deep breath.
    “I hope like hell he’s not.
    I’ll kill him.”
     
    “What did he say just before I came in?”
     
    “He denied it,
    Said he really was in love with you.”
    The sand on the concrete crunched
    As he settled beside me.
    “Why hasn’t he broken up with her yet?”
     
    I examined my fingernails,
    Looking for an answer,
    While I mentally recited eenie, meenie, miney, mo .
    “I don’t know,” I finally said.
     
    “You’re too good for him,” Jesse said,
    For the hundredth time.
    “I know you like him,
    But I’m not sure he’s worth it.”
     
    “He’s your cousin,” I snapped.
    “You know his situation better than anyone.
    Shouldn’t you be defending him?”
     
    Jesse reached over and took my hand in his.
    It felt warm and safe,
    Cooled the fear bubbling inside,
    The rage.
     
    “His situation is my situation,” Jesse said gently,
    Softly,
    Calmly.
    “You think I don’t understand where he’s coming from?”
     
    My eyes felt too tight,
    My throat too thick.
     
    “I do,” Jesse said.
    “But I would never lead you on like this.”
     
    “He’s not leading—”
     
    “I would never go out with you,
    Kiss you,
    Without breaking everything off with everyone else first.
    So that you knew.”
     
    “Knew what?”
     
    “That I’d do anything to be with you.”

THAT TIME ON THE ROOF,
    Jesse held me while I cried,
    While I wondered why Trav didn’t want to do everything to be with me.
     
    That time on the roof,
    Jesse’s voice erased the hurt,
    Eased the pain,
    Whispered reassurances.
     
    That time on the roof,
    Jesse provided the anchoring I needed,
    The friendship that grounded me.
     
    That time on the roof,
    I was glad Jesse wasn’t Travis.

TRUTH:
    When Honesty left for the summer,
    She left a gap inside me that needed filling.
    Jesse had been there.
    Travis had been there.
    I’d been just as happy with the two of them,
    Without their money,
    As I had been with Honesty
    With hers.
     
    That truth hurt,
    And it grew,
    And when it was said out loud,
    Bad things happened.

I HADN’T SEEN HONESTY FOR TWO MONTHS.
    I should be excited,
    Should be happy to hear about her sight-seeing,
    Her shopping,
    Her flirtations.
    Honesty had been my whole world pre-Trav.
     
    “Everything was boring without you,” I said,
    Bumped her with my hip,
    Brought the best-friend smile to her face.
     
    “You had Trav.”
    She fingered the fabric of a black dress,
    Didn’t look at me.
     
    “And Jesse,” I said,
    Because it was true.
    Jesse had carved something special inside me,
    Something I couldn’t name.
    “Don’t forget Jesse,” I repeated,
    So she’d know I didn’t spend all my time with
    Her boyfriend.
     
    “You kiss him yet?” she asked.
     
    “We’re not like that,” I said,
    Pushed the hangers around.
    “Jesse’s just a friend.”
     
    Honesty nodded,
    Mm-hmm’ed.
     
    “Trav didn’t call as much as I thought he would.”
    She moved to