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hour.
    Â 
    From: David Crutton
    To: Ted Berry
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.23
    Subject: Re: Esmée Éloge
    Â 
    Gold’s a useless pillock. I’ll get on it. I must say, though, that I have misgivings about presenting deliberately wacky celebrity names to a company as essentially conservative as Esmée Éloge. Aren’t they looking for the likes of Keira Knightley and that woman who used to stand in the middle in Destiny’s Child?
    Â 
    Incidentally, is the new office troubadour an example of the new fit-for-purpose hiring policy? I’m intrigued.
    Â 
    From: David Crutton
    To: Kazu Makino
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.24
    Subject: Esmée Éloge
    Â 
    Tell me, how is your boss planning to present the Esmée Éloge work without the actual work? He’s either a genius or a complete twat. Let him know I want a full debrief the second he returns.
    Â 
    From: Ted Berry
    To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.25
    Subject:
    Â 
    if back from coffee run need you do e
    Â 
    From: Ted Berry
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.29
    Subject: Re: Esmée Éloge
    Â 
    If Esmée Éloge had wanted “conservative,” they’d have gone to Miller Shanks. They came here because they wanted outer-rim thinking and I’m fucked if I’m going to disappoint them.
    Â 
    On your second point, Yossi is here because I intend to restore the jingle to its rightful position in British advertising. Some cunt is going to produce the next Shake ‘n’ Vac and I intend that cunt to be working at Meerkat360.
    Â 
    Capisce?
    Â 
    From: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    To: Milton Keane
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.31
    Subject: C word again!
    Â 
    Twice in one e!!! Feel so tainted.
    Â 
    From: Milton Keane
    To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.33
    Subject: Re: C word again!
    Â 
    Remember what I told you. Ted is just a naughty potty mouth and he gets a kick out of upsetting you. The best way to beat him is to rise above it. Be strong, Sooz. And maybe book a soothing sesh in the Think Tank.
    Â 
    From: David Crutton
    To: Neil Godley
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.34
    Subject: Re: hairdressing privileges
    Â 
    Discussions on the status of the office hairdresser are ongoing. In the meantime, I suggest you forgo the trim. By the way, if you bother me with this crap again I will come down to the basement and cut your hair myself. Nicky Clarke I’m not.

    Â 
    From: David Crutton
    To: Alex Sofroniou
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.35
    Subject: why isn’t this bollocks sorted out yet?

    Â 
    From: David Crutton
    To: Caroline Zitter
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.36
    Subject:
    Â 
    I sent you an e-mail on Christmas Day. A response this month would be nice.
    Â 
    From: Caroline Zitter
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 5 January 2009,11.37
    Subject: Out of Office AutoReply
    Â 
    I am out of the office attending Business Goals Through Buddhism III. I will return on Wednesday 7th January. If you have an urgent request please contact my assistant, Milton Keane, on [email protected].

    Â 
    From: Kazu Makino
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.38
    Subject: Re: Esmée Éloge
    Â 
    Hi David. Donald had the boards redone over the Christmas break. He made a call to check out the lighting in the Rotterdam meeting room and felt a matte finish would work better than gloss for presentation purposes. Hope this is OK.
    Kazu Makino
    Assistant to Donald Gold & Bill Geddes
    Â 
    From: Kazu Makino
    To: Bill Geddes
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.55
    Subject: Don
    Â 
    He’s hysterical. Has he always been like this about flying?
    Â 
    From: Bill Geddes
    To: Kazu Makino
    Sent: 5 January 2009, 11.59
    Subject: Re: Don
    Â 
    His fear of flying is matched only by his terror of spiders. He has a recurring nightmare about flying long haul and being served chicken/beef by a tarantula dressed as a stewardess.
    Â 
    From: Alex Sofroniou
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 5 January 2009,