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commercials for Mako featuring Messrs Little and Large.
    Why are us mugs in the TV production department always the last to hear information of crucial relevance to us?
    It represents no loss to me – personally I find L&L about as amusing as a trip to my gynecologist. However, Simon assured me that the scripts were as good as signed off by the client and you must be aware that we have contracts with these alleged gentlemen of mirth. They will expect money. They have also been to four wardrobe sessions, so I now have a pair of made-to-measure bat suits with pink Lycra capes in my possession, as well as an invoice for £16,000.
    It never rains, darlings . . .
Nigel Godley – 1/4/00, 9:39am
to:
Carla Browne
cc:
 
re:
help mate
    Top o’ the morning! It was so nice to be able to help you with your document last night. Remember that creating presentable charts in PowerPoint is easy-peasy so long as you remember Nige’s HandyHints! Any time I can be of service, look me up in my little cubby in accounts – Nige.
    P.S. want first option on the waffle iron?
Carla Browne – 1/4/00, 9:52am
to:
Zoë Clarke
cc:
 
re:
fuck, fuck, bloody fuck!!!!!
    Fucking hell!!!! I’ve done the stupidest thing!!!!!!! I only got that dick Nigel who does the time sheets to help me with the Coke document last night. I’m a fucking idiot, I know – but it was nearly midnight and I just wanted to go home!!!! Now I can’t get rid of him!!!!!!!! Think he fancies me!!!!!! What am I gonna do?!!!!!! He wears grey slip-ons and he’s into the Shopping Channel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cxxx
James Gregory – 1/4/00, 9:54am
to:
Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
 
re:
it wasn’t me!
    Harriet, I know what you’re going to say, but it wasn’t me. I swear I never told Melinda or anyone else in TV that the client had signed off approvals on L&L. I don’t know how this could have happened. Can we hide the 16k on another job?
Harriet Greenbaum – 1/4/00, 10:16am
to:
James Gregory
cc:
 
re:
it wasn’t me!
    I know it wasn’t you. This account has been going rat-shit since a certain senior member of the creative department took up permanent residence in Teletubby Land. Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.
Ken Perry – 1/4/00, 10:24am
to:
All Departments
cc:
 
re:
0898
    As from today you will no longer be able to dial the premium-rate numbers prefixed by 0898. These form a significant portion of our monthly telecom overhead.
    I appreciate that many of you find the business and city services available on these lines invaluable. I apologise for the inconvenience, but ask you to find alternative sources for the information thus obtained.
    Thank you for your co-operation.
    Ken Perry
    Office Administrator
Harriet Greenbaum – 1/4/00, 10:33am
to:
Simon Horne
cc:
 
re:
Mako
    I’ve had an alarming e-mail from Melinda regarding an obligation to L&L. I’ve tried to come to talk to you about it, but Susi wouldn’t let me anywhere near you. I am quite certain that no one on my team authorised you to run up pre-production costs on Little and Large.
    It beats me how this has happened. Perhaps you can apply your legendary creativity to helping us recover the 16k Melinda says we have spent.
Liam O’Keefe – 1/4/00, 10:58am
to:
Brett Topowlski
cc:
 
re:
need aspirin
    Just got in. Read your e. Fuck, that was some night. Lol? My lips are sealed. Will Vin ever talk to me again? Hope so – got to tell the poor geezer what he missed out on.
    No more 0898? How the fuck am I supposed to talk to Trixi on
Ripe ’n’ Raw 1-2-1
now? She’s the only bird I know who truly understands a bloke’s deep-rooted need to talk about massive tits and impractical lingerie.
    Head needs Bloody Mary. BZ at lunch, or will you be at your desk making squeaky with your markers?
Simon Horne – 1/4/00, 11:15am
to:
Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
 
re:
Mako
    So, on top of everything else I am expected to fret about the purse strings?
    I believed that once the client saw Little and Large standing before