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let out the scream that I’d been holding in all day. It felt good to let out all of the emotions that I’d pent up inside.
    “Why God? Why them? Why not me?” I screamed up to the sky. I didn’t care how I looked or if anyone heard me. I had to let this out in order to get through tomorrow. No one was here to hold me up or prevent me from falling to the ground at the cemetery. There was only me.
    The echo of my screams mocked me as I continued to stare up at the bright stars above. I received no answers to my questions, which caused my anger to increase. I blamed myself, that much was obvious. But the secret truth was, I blamed God more. He took them from me. They were my only family. The only reason I hadn’t ended things long ago. Now my reason for living had vanished. Being with them again was the only thing that I could think about. There was no life without Andrew and Liam. Without them, I was just a shell of a person.
    Anger.
    It coursed through me, but I didn’t know how to let it out. As I walked back inside, it festered and then bubbled quickly to the surface. Quicker than I had time to process the amount of emotion that was within me.
    I opened and walked through the sliding glass door off of the back of the porch. Stalking over to the counter, I grabbed the bottle that I’d been staring at off and on for the past few days.
    Bourbon.
    I wasn’t a fan, but Andrew had a glass every now and then. It was the only liquor in the house and the amber liquid had taunted me ever since my world came crumbling down. I opened the bottle and brought it up to my nose, taking a deep breath in and letting the smell assault my senses. The smell was rich, yet burned the inside of my nose. Without thinking too much, I brought the bottle to my lips and tilted my head back, allowing the liquid to run down the back of my throat. The burn from the aftereffects was welcomed because it allowed me to feel something other than the gut-wrenching pain.
    Just the thought of everything that I’d endured made the anger grow, bigger than any other emotion I’d ever felt. The bottle in my hands was now the enemy, and I wanted to seek vengeance. Without another thought, I drew the bottle back in my arms and tossed it as hard as I could across the room. The sounds of the breaking glass echoed off of the walls as each shard hit the tile floor.
    Nothing else mattered right now. Only the fact that I’d never be whole again. I had no energy left. Nothing left to fight for.
    My knees gave out on me, and I hit the ground in a crumbled heap. The tears now ran freely down my cheeks as I allowed the anger, sadness, and every other emotion escape me. I grabbed my hair in both hands and pulled, the frustration almost too much to bear.
    “Are you fucking happy now? It wasn’t enough that everyone else was gone, you just had to take them, too? What the ever loving hell did I ever do to deserve this? They were all I had left, and now I have nothing,” I screamed into the night, yanking harder on the strands of hair between my fingers.
    I’d concluded that I was officially hated by God and any other being out there. No one would allow someone to go through this much pain in their lifetime.  They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, but how in the hell was I supposed to handle all of this death. This despair.  The pain that ripped through me day in and day out. I shouldn’t have to endure all of this at my age, let alone ever.

Chapter 4
    T he rain hitting the roof of the house mimicked the way I felt. I hadn’t slept but two hours’ tops and after I’d woken, I sat down in the window seat with a blanket and stared out the window. The rain had begun a couple of hours ago and the dreariness was perfect for what this day signified.
    Today was the day that we would say goodbye and celebrate the life of Andrew and Liam. Only I didn’t feel like celebrating at all. I could only focus on the fact that I shouldn’t have to do this. I