Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine Read Online Free PDF Page A

you by.
     
    What does he mean, “talk to me”?
    My girlfriends and I were discussing this during a girls’ night out: When you are having sex with a guy and he says “talk to me,” what is it he wants to hear?—N.C., Des Moines, Iowa
    That’s an easy one. He wants a pause in the lovemaking to analyze the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, dissect a scandalous conversation you overheard at work and confirm that one of your girlfriends is indeed making a mistake by not inviting her mother’s cousin’s wife to her baby shower. Please. A guy who makes that request wants you to talk dirty. He wants to know he’s turning you on. He wants you to tell him what feels good, why it feels good, how he can continue to make you feel good and what you’re thinking about doing to make him feel good. He wants you to make demands—”Fuck me, now.” He wants you to be overcome with desire: “Oh my God, that feels so good!” Turn off the sound during a porn movie and notice how quickly it goes from erotic to uninspired. That’s because the female performers are accomplished actors—at least during the sex scenes. They moan, groan, coax, reassure, respond, plead and command. Some pretend to be aroused, some are aroused, some become aroused by talking as if they’re aroused. There’s a lesson in that. There are many formulas to talking dirty, and not all of them involve explicit language. In her guide to erotic talk, Exhibitionism for the Shy , Carol Queen suggests an exercise: Describe what’s happening. It may start simply—”You’re kissing my neck, you’re tugging at my nipples…”—but it always becomes more heated as you progress.
     
    Love noises
    My girlfriend and I often stay with friends on weekend trips. This past weekend the walls were so thin I could hear the clock ticking one floor down. In this situation is it rude to make “fun noises”? Keep in mind that there is no way for us to be quiet. We have a good time and like to hear it. The bed will rock, the floor will creak, the windows will rattle.—R.W., Chicago, Illinois
    You obviously don’t have kids. If you tend to fuck with volume, why not explore a new sexual frontier by hitting the mute button? First, place a private wager: If either partner makes a noise louder than the ticking of that clock, he or she will pay a fine to be decided by the other. It can be as simple as having to wash the dishes for a week. Then communicate only with facial expressions and by guiding each other’s hands. You’ll find that fucking in silence slows everything down—it’s hard to thrust like a madman when you can’t make squishing noises. You’ll also look into each other’s eyes longer and pay closer attention to breathing and body language. Each moan that escapes will sound like a trumpet. Trust us, concentrated silence will make you feel like teenagers again, and no one will suspect a thing.
     
    Did I ruin the mood?
    My girlfriend is turned off by dirty words. Once I told her, in the heat of passion, that I loved her beautiful ass. Another time I blurted out, “Fuck me!” In both instances she said I had ruined the moment. Can you suggest words we could use in bed that aren’t too clinical or crude?—J.S., Manhattan, Kansas
    Perhaps you should learn a foreign language. Carol Queen recounts how one of her lovers enjoyed the sound of the French tongue. “I once impelled her to tear my clothes off in the middle of the afternoon by reading aloud to her from a Sabatier kitchen knife brochure.” Queen suggests that couples who have a problem with slang—or who prefer English—invent their own bedroom language. She recommends Nicholson Baker’s The Fermata for inspiration and provides an entertaining appendix of erotic words and phrases to expand your vocabulary. As Queen points out, it’s not what you say but how you say it. “If your arousal is reflected in your voice, cries of ‘Oh, yeah, do that!’ or ‘Please put your mouth on me