Crazy Little Thing Read Online Free PDF Page A

chair and lifted her chin
triumphantly. “A little FYI on me… I once performed Farrah Fawcett’s monologue
from The Burning Bed in the talent portion of the Miss Houston Beauty
Pageant. I won second runner up and was awarded a trophy and a year’s supply of
frozen mountain oysters.”
    Scarlet picked up a stuffed lavender unicorn and
snuggled her face into it. She said in high-pitched baby-talk, “Isn’t that
right, Bubbles? Nothing stops us from getting what we want.” She kissed Bubbles
the Unicorn on the nose.
    The camera turned off.
     

Dueling Banjos
     
    “So, tell me how you all met,” G-Ray said. He was
sitting on the floorboard between Ollie and Claire, wearing his homemade helmet
camera. Which was actually just the camera duct taped to a motorcycle helmet
which in turn was strapped to his head. “We need a beginning point for our
film. Have you all ever noticed that every good story starts with a journey?
Think of all the famous movies that start out with people getting in a vehicle
and going somewhere. Thelma and Louise. Easy Rider. Deliverance .”
    “ Deliverance ? If banjo music starts playing,
I’m turning around and going back home,” Claire said. “I was only twelve
years-old when I saw that movie. Now every time I hear a pig squeal I tinkle my
panties.”
    “I never saw it,” Ollie said. “My mom took me to see
it at the drive-in but I was in the trunk the whole time.”
    “What? Why were you in the trunk?”
    “She was sneaking me in for free and then forgot I
was back there.”
    “Ladies, please. You’re avoiding the question,”
G-Ray said, turning down the Elvis CD. “Tell me the story of how you two met.”
    “Yeah, I want to hear your side of it,” Ollie said.
    “You tell your side first,” Claire said.
    “I know,” G-Ray said, “Ollie, you say one sentence
about how you met Claire and then Claire, you say one sentence about how you
met Ollie. You know back and forth, taking turns.”
    Ollie looked at Claire. Claire shrugged and said,
“You go first.”
    Ollie took a deep breath. “Okay. It was summer on
the beach.”
    “I was there with my friend Suzanne,” Claire added.
“Ollie was strolling up and down the beach like she was all that and she talked
me into taking a lesson for free.”
    “I wasn’t acting like I wasall
that,” Ollie said, “I was handing out business cards. You were laying there
watching me for two hours and I finally walked over and said hi.”
    “I was shy,” Claire said.
    “Shy, my ass,” Ollie said.
    “Did you know she was gay?” G-Ray asked Ollie.
    “No, but I was hoping,” Ollie said. She glanced over
at Claire. “She did have a rainbow towel and as soon as I talked to her my
gaydar started beeping away. I asked if Suzanne was her girlfriend. I figured
that was her chance to tell me whether she was family or not.”
    “Ollie is pretty cute in her surfer shorts,” Claire
said. “I told her I was between girlfriends. I also told her I wasn’t exactly
athletic.”
    “And I said I’d
give her private lessons,” Ollie said, wagging her eyebrows up and down.
    Claire rolled
her eyes but couldn’t help but smile.
    “She gets a lot of girls that way,” G-Ray popped in.
    “I just wanted one,” Ollie said. She glanced over at
Claire who was looking out the window. Ollie had never told Claire that for her
it was love at first sight because Claire didn’t believe that such things were
possible. She imagined Claire saying that it was hormones creating lust and
people mistook lust for love. But for her it was Claire’s beauty, with her long
chestnut hair and those big dark eyes. And, if truth be told, she also had a
great upper deck. “She had this tiny orange bikini on. Great tits.”
    Claire playfully whapped Ollie’s arm.
    “Well, it’s true!” Ollie said.
    “Well, you looked pretty good in your surfing shorts
and tankini,” Claire said. “Nice calves.”
    Ollie grinned. “We never quite made it to the
surfing lesson.