Crazy Little Thing Read Online Free PDF

We downed about three pitchers of margaritas, made wild nasty
love on the beach under the moon —”
    Claire interrupted, “Got sand in places where sand
should never be.”
    “Drove all the way to Des Moines the next day—”
    Claire interrupted again, “And found out a few
months later that we had made a horrible mistake.”
    There was silence. Finally, Ollie said in a low
voice, “I didn’t think it was all that horrible.”
    “You weren’t the one who had to deal with the pool
problem,” Claire said. “You were always doing stuff, not thinking first, and
then leaving me to clean up the mess.”
    “If I remember right, you were the one who threw me
out of the house. If you hadn’t told me that I’d be arrested if I ever came
back maybe I could have cleaned up the so-called mess.”
    Claire bristled. “So-called? What else could it be
called? You flooded my house!”
    “How was I supposed to know that a pool had that
much water in it?”
    “You completely ruined the basement and most of the
first floor. I had to replace flooring, furniture and have drywall ripped out
because of the mold!”
    “You know what?” Ollie said. “I’m glad we’re getting
this divorce!”
    “Finally! We agree on something!”
    Ollie turned on her blinker and took the next exit
into a Love’s convenience store.
    “Love’s convenience store,” G-ray intoned. He aimed
his camera and zoomed in on the Love’s sign, saying, “Another film-matic piece
of irony.”
     

The Tocks Have Spoken
     
    Ollie pulled the van up next to a pump and shut off
the engine. “G-Ray, will you go up top and check on EZ?”
    “Your wish is my command,” G-Ray said.
    “Make sure she’s secure and maybe put some sun-block
on her face.”
    “Consider it done.” G-Ray opened the sliding door
and bailed out. Claire opened her door, saying, “I’ll pump the gas.”
    “You sure?” Ollie asked.
    “Why wouldn’t I be sure?” Claire said testily. “You
think just because I’m femme I can’t pump gas?”
    “I was just asking. I’ll go forage for snacks. Any
requests?”
    “Get me a Vitamin Water, please. Dragonfruit,”
Claire said.
    “C’mon, Oscar,” Ollie said, snapping the leash onto
his collar. “Let’s go for a walk.”
    Watching Ollie walk away with Oscar opened a
floodgate of memories for Claire, both good and bad. Just looking at the tiny
blond hairs on Ollie’s tanned forearms made her have lustful thoughts. Then
Ollie opened her mouth and the next thing she knew she was picking a fight with
her. How could one person make her so horny and so mad all at the same time?
Thank God, she had Scarlet. Scarlet was easier. All Claire had to do was tell
her she was pretty and buy her nice things. Love should be simple. Right? It
was supposed to be easy, wasn’t it?
    G-Ray interrupted her thoughts. “Um, Claire? I hate to
tell you this, but…”
    Claire looked up at him. He was kneeling on the roof
of the van and had a stricken look on his face. The first thought that jumped
into her brain was that EZ had expired.
    “She’s not dead, is she?” Claire rambled on, not
pausing for an answer, “Oh my God, this is all my fault. I didn’t really need
to bring all that luggage. It was so selfish of me. And now look what happened.
A person has died and all because I couldn’t leave my suitcase of shoes behind.
I’m sorry.” A sob leaked out. “I’m so, so sorry. I am such a bad person.” She
banged her forehead against the side of the van in anguish, repeating, “Bad,
bad, bad…”
    “No, it’s not that,” G-Ray said. “EZ is fine, man.
Stop head banging. She’s not dead. She’s just wind-blown.”
    Claire looked up at him. There was a big red spot on
her forehead. “Then what is it?”
    G-Ray looked all around like he was afraid somebody
might be listening. He whispered, “My tock is tingling.”
    “Your what?”
    “Did he say his tock was tingling?” Ollie asked.
    Claire flinched. She hadn’t seen Ollie walk