Collide Read Online Free PDF Page A

blew it out in
a huff. I told myself that Maria had a right to be feeling
frustrated with everyone around here constantly picking her brain
to see if she either remembered anything or to make sure she was
feeling all right. I also knew that her sessions with the counselor
were geared towards working through any anger and frustration that
she felt about her parents divorce, but still. A part of me wanted
to lash out with my own anger at her even though I knew I
shouldn’t. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t know what had
happened to me on the evening of her disappearance. Her return, the
fuss being made, not to mention all the doctor’s visits, her
counseling, etc going on, I just hadn’t had the time to tell her. I
never really knew which days she’d be at school because of all the
appointments, so scheduling my own time with her between Mom
breathing down my neck, my part time job, and the wonderful
schoolwork that gets dumped on Juniors, and I just hadn’t been able
to find any real alone time with her.
    And then there were times when I just felt
like I couldn’t tell her, or when I was afraid to confront her
because I dreaded the one question that I knew would be asked. It
hadn’t been my brightest moment, and a part of myself had been lost
that night, and how do you go about telling your best friend, who
also has lost something that very same night, the truth without
sounding overly melodramatic and, well, like I was whining? I just
couldn’t do it. I really hated to lean on other people, especially
when it involved me trying to clean up after one of my own messes.
Maria knew this about me, and had always had a knack at prying out
information I just didn’t want to share until she had the full
story of what I had done, but she hadn’t even asked me why I hadn’t
been at O’Malley’s that night when I had said I would be, and deep
down, I was afraid of the time when she would ask me that
particular question.
    The rest of the morning classes passed by in
a haze of misery, one that I tried to battle so that I wouldn’t get
too far behind in my studies. Mom was pissed off enough as it was,
I didn’t need to add even MORE fuel to the fire, but I just
couldn’t drag myself out of the apathy that I found myself in. I
stared blankly at the dry erase board and moved my hand as if I
were copying the notes, but when I looked down at what I had
written all I saw was illegible scribbles and a few idle doodles. I
could partially blame lack of sleep, but I couldn’t help but dwell
on Maria and her angry words from earlier, and my mind just did not
want to focus.
    I resolved to talk to her during lunch,
though I had no idea just what I was going to say. I could confront
her about her temperamental outburst; I could drag her off and make
her listen to me, or I could just break down crying on her shoulder
and sob out everything. None of those options sounded very
appealing, and by the time lunch rolled around all I could really
think about was how I wanted to go hide in the bathroom and puke my
guts out.
    I scanned the cafeteria when I walked in, and
my eyes went straight to the table where Maria and I usually sat
with several of our other friends. I spotted Ryan Dell and Jessica
Morely there already, but no Maria. I told myself to stop worrying
as I walked across the floor and plastered a huge smile on my face
as I approached. There was worried, and then there was paranoid and
I needed to recognize that I was quickly crossing over that very
fine line. Jessica and Ryan looked up with smiles as I settled into
my seat, and it wasn’t long before Danny Morris and Jeff Smith
joined us. We all chattered about our day, but I didn’t fully relax
until Maria suddenly appeared and sat down next to me.
    For a little while things went on like it was
a normal lunch as we discussed teachers, sports, homework, who was
banging whom, but I noticed that Maria had started to zone out.
Jessica and the others hadn’t picked up on it as