Coconuts and Wonderbras Read Online Free PDF Page A

very much doubt he will let me get up close and personal tonight just in case my lipstick should land on his shirt. Did I mention that Toby is ultra-pernickety when it comes to his appearance? I probably didn’t. It drives me mad some days. He never dresses casually. Issy once joked that he puts on a tie to take a dump. He even wears his suit to take me to the cinema, I mean, how embarrassing is that? But tonight, he really does look gorgeous. His hair is freshly washed and his deep green eyes twinkle at me from under their heavy lids. I almost wish we didn’t have to go in and could just go back to his place, or my place come to that. Actually come to think of it any place would do. God, how powerful is a bow tie. He is smiling at me, and I feel sure that everything that took place last night outside the sex shop was perfectly innocent.
        ‘I’m not late am I?’ I ask, knowing full well that we are both early.
    He appraises me and then says we should go inside in a tone that sounds like he is not happy. Obviously, the smile I thought I saw must have been wind or something because he certainly doesn’t have it now. I follow miserably feeling pathetic, all sexual longing driven from my loins. It doesn’t help that my new corset is cracking my ribs with my every breath. Honestly, all the trouble I went to and he can’t even tell me that I look nice.
        ‘What’s the matter?’ I ask.
        ‘Nothing, I just thought you were going to wear that new dress.’
    Oh dear. Best not to tell him it doesn’t quite fit. An usher requests our invitations and, with a sinking stomach, I remember mine is still stuck to the fridge door. I fumble busily in my handbag in the vain hope he will wave us through. Toby fidgets as people bustle past us.
        ‘Now what’s wrong?’ he asks irritably.
    I am saved from answering by my boss, Jamie. A nice guy, thirty-something and a queer of course. He stands camp as Christmas and throws one arm around Toby. Toby hates gays. I mean, seriously. He is as homophobic as they come and Jamie knows it and is outrageously flamboyant whenever Toby is around.
        ‘Toby, darling, you look gorgeous. Libby sweetie, why are you fumbling around?’
    I open my mouth to explain.
        ‘Come on, darlings, let’s go in and get a drink. I could murder a champagne cocktail.’
    He takes my arm and leads me into the functions room without a murmur from the usher or Toby. What a great entrance, gliding in without showing the invitation. Except of course, I am so busy looking around at everybody that I don’t notice the step and trip, falling flat onto my face. Toby gasps and Jamie laughs while helping me up. Why is it that everyone else helps me up except Toby? He shakes his head despairingly, and I fight back my tears. Why does everything go wrong when I am with him? I feel like a thousand eyes are on me and excuse myself to find the loo to tidy myself up. God, how embarrassing was that. I give myself a quick face check, spray some Rive Gauche onto my neck and brush my hair before walking out of the loo and would you believe it, straight into Alex Bryant. Is this déjà vu or does Alex Bryant spent a lot of time loitering outside women’s loos?
        ‘Well, hello again,’ he says with a wink.
        ‘Hi,’ I say, forcing a smile.
    I should be banned from black-tie dos. I could easily rip the shirt off him too. I’m either seriously sex-starved, or my hormones have gone crazy. I assure you that I don’t normally spend my life wanting to rip shirts off men.
        ‘We must find somewhere less salubrious to meet,’ he jokes and my heart flutters, much against my will. What is he doing here? I then remember that he is a client and what’s worse, one of mine it seems.
    This time he is with what is obviously the blancmange to his jelly. She is exactly how I would have imagined. A size ten and with legs up to her armpits, blonde hair, flawless porcelain skin, and wearing a