Coconuts and Wonderbras Read Online Free PDF Page B

slightly embarrassed.
        ‘And this is Issy,’ I throw in casually. ‘Writes for the agony column and burps for England but not necessarily in that order. You’ve heard of her surely?’
    Issy drops the olive that she was about to pop into her mouth. The olive rolls towards Blonde Blancmange who stands up haughtily, swings her shoulder-length bob over her shoulder, sighs heavily and declares,
        ‘How rude, I don’t have to listen to this.’ She makes to leave the table. Bryant gently takes her hand and pulls her back down.
    Toby looks thunderous, and with knuckles clenched he gives Jamie a disparaging look while Issy stares wide-eyed. Alex Bryant, correction, The Bastard is the only cool one amongst us and why am I not surprised. Issy hands me another glass of champagne which I knock back in one hit. The only way to be in difficult social situations is drunk.
        ‘Libby, what is wrong with you?’ whispers Issy.
    Alex leans across the table with an outstretched hand.
        ‘Nice to meet you Libby,’ he says softly. I ignore the little flutter in my stomach and put it down to flatulence. Why isn’t he mentioning that we have met already? I touch his hand and a tingle runs through my body. Toby snatches my hand roughly.
        ‘Right, that’s enough. You have already tarnished my name, so keep your hands off my girlfriend,’ he snaps.
    I’m quite impressed. Shame his voice has a shake though. Although after reading what the bastard Bryant has done to some people, armed with only a cheese grater, it is enough to make anyone shake.
        ‘Blimey,’ says an astonished and rather tipsy Miles.
        ‘Criticism should always be taken in a constructive manner Toby, that was exactly how I meant it,’ croons The Bastard.
    What a patronising sod, I think. Oh no, I didn’t think it, I actually said it. There is silence. Alex Bryant and I lock eyes across the table.
        ‘I can see it is going to be quite a challenge working with you Libby,’ he says finally.
    I look at Jamie with daggers in my eyes.
        ‘Don’t do anything rash,’ hisses Issy as I stand up.
    Why does she always think I am going to do something rash?
        ‘Jamie…’ I begin.
        ‘Constructive,’ explodes Toby, making me jump as I reach for an olive and accidentally knock over Blancmange’s champagne glass. A foaming tsunami rushes towards her and spills onto her legs. Oh shit. She lets out a squeal and Issy quickly dabs at her with a serviette. It is quite gross to watch. I am relieved when Jamie pulls her off. There is a loud screeching sound from the PA and a booming voice silences us all.
        ‘Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is about to be served.’
        ‘Bloody marvellous,’ groans Toby, elbowing me in the ribs as he shuffles in his seat. Great, food is all I bloody need right now. I always eat more when I am angry or upset. Just as well I am starting my diet properly on Monday. Miles squeezes himself into the seat the other side of me.
        ‘That was bloody exciting,’ he whispers. ‘I wouldn’t fancy taking on old Bryant myself, what? He’d slice your tongue out before you could say Bruce Lee.’
    Why do these things happen to me? And who does this Alex Bryant think he is that he can go around patronising everyone? Okay, not everyone, but he did patronise Toby. I see him burst out laughing at something Jamie has said. Blancmange follows suit, and I feel dead miserable.
        ‘Bloody poof,’ says Toby sulkily. ‘And I can’t believe you are going to work with that arrogant prick.’
        ‘It’s the first I have heard of it,’ I protest feebly and hate myself for thinking what nice even teeth Alex Bryant is displaying.
        ‘It feels like treachery,’ moans Toby in a pained voice.
        ‘Treachery,’ I echo.
        ‘Salmon with salad madam, or turkey with roast potatoes?’ trills the waiter hovering beside me with a plate of each. I suppose I had