Chrysalis Read Online Free PDF Page A

I'd do it—blue for a girl or pink for a boy."
    I stare at the mirror, thinking about Chelsea's baby, the tiny little life that pushed its way into all of our worlds, and turned her and Charles's upside down. It's already made a difference:  Chelsea doesn't go out with Emmy and her girl-friends anymore, and Charles has started saving money. "Does it scare you? Chelsea's baby, I mean. "
    Thibby shrugs. "'Course it does. But it's cool. She'll have it; we'll all look after it. What else can you do?"
    I remember when all Thibby ever wanted to do was party and get laid, when all Chelsea wanted to do was enjoy herself with her friends. When Charles thought a degree was the most important thing in the world.
    Suddenly, the problem of me and Josh seems very small and insignificant. We're two people and we're getting on fairly well. Even though I still think he's completely the wrong kind of person for me, I do want to go out with him some more, and tonight is our third date.
    "Do you want a condom, then?" Thibby cuts in, sending all my thoughts from their organised state of maturity into panicked disarray again. "You should take one—he'll be up for it and you're a stupid kid when you're drunk."
    *~*~*
    Josh arrives early and he's wearing a suit, as well. I stop before opening the door, and hiss at Emmy, "How do I look?"
    "Depends; are you trying to say 'ravish me'?"
    "Emmy!"
    She sticks her tongue out and leaves. I inwardly curse at the fact that all of my friends seem to have gone through this vital step and find it terribly funny that I haven't. Apart from Charles, of course, but it's never going to be an issue for him. I briefly wonder how it must be to be Charles, never thinking of sex at all. Then I try to get my sanity back and wrench the door open.
    "Hey, Luke." Josh gives me that goofy smile again when he sees me wearing a waistcoat, and very deliberately looks me up and down. I feel like curling up and dying right there; I don't want his eyes running all over me, as if he fucking owns me! I fist my hands in my jacket pockets, feeling myself flushing a little as one curls around a condom that Thibby managed to shove into my jacket before he left. I really hope Josh can't see it or tell that it's there.
    We head out into town. Josh has got his arm around my waist again and I'm not flinching away from it this time. It feels alright, good so far, although I'm still all screwed up inside with anticipation for this evening. I'm terrified of what might happen and still, after all that heartfelt soul-searching, not sure what I want to happen.
    "No offers, no deals, just like I promised." Josh has a smile on now that I recognise and I start to panic a little when I do—because it's Emmy's look, the 'ooh yeah, I am getting it tonight' look.
    Josh hugs me a little closer and I wonder if he can feel my heart hammering like crazy in my chest. It sounds loud enough for the whole city to hear. We stop outside a restaurant and I gulp a little, because it is quite a posh, expensive-looking place. I glance sideways and see Josh looking at me, still grinning. No doubt about it, he's trying his hardest to get lucky tonight.
    "This place look good enough?" he asks, kind of smirking a little, and I just nod, mute. The meal passes all too quickly, seeming like a blur of anticipation and uncertainty. We talk about stuff, his family, my family; he's an only child, as it turns out, and almost an only grandchild, so he's had plenty of people around to spoil him for most of his life. We kind of talk briefly about university life, but there's not a huge amount to say.
    I learn that as well as Chemistry and rugby, he also plays the trumpet and piano, does life drawing classes, and writes for a science magazine. He learns that I'm sort of boring, really, although he does actually manage to look interested when I tell him about Charles's and my failed comic project. We mention Chelsea a little, but it's obvious that Josh doesn't know what questions are