Chrysalis Read Online Free PDF

safe to ask, and he's not very comfortable asking them.
    And then we're heading back—back to his place. I realise, as the taxi rolls up, that I should say something, that I should walk away or decline his offer of coffee. But I don't; I just get into the car, realising as I do that whatever happens now, I probably just count as an idiot for accepting it.
    Josh doesn't hold my hand or anything in the taxi, so I'm stupidly nervous as we get out. There's a brief kiss on the step up to the door, and then he's unlocking it, and whispering, "All my housemates are out … "
    "Ah." My throat is too dry to manage anything else. I'm so nervous, I almost run down back to the taxi again.
    "Josh … " I manage to croak out.
    He turns, looking concerned, which I would find touching if I wasn't so scared. "What? Are you okay?"
    "J-Josh, how far is this gonna go?" I whisper.
    He frowns, looking even more concerned and slightly pissed as well. "Luke … the hell?"
    I blink. "I-I mean, I-I don't know if I want to … "
    He's got the door open now and is standing with it open, looking confused. "What? You don't want to come in?"
    I stare at the open door, and then sort of stumble through it. He switches the lights on and I fall onto the sofa, trying not to hyperventilate. I'm alone in a flat with a six foot tall rugby player who I've just strung along for three dates.
    Josh goes into the kitchen for a bit, which gives me time to breathe. I start to recover a little, getting rid of the nervousness and trying to get excited about things. He comes back with two mugs. "You want coffee?"
    "Yeah, that's why I came here … " Except I say it in the wrong voice, because he starts looking slightly miserable. He sits down next to me, not touching me or anything, just looking a bit sad, and I start to feel crap. I've just messed up his third and most expensive date, and I really want another of those awesome kisses. I take a deep breath, because this is it now. I have to either do something or end it. Either admit this was all a mistake or admit that it wasn't.
    "Josh … " He looks up at me and gives a sad-sounding sigh, and then interrupts me, just when I'd decided what to say.
    "Look, Luke, I don't know what I've done that's messed this up, but I'm sorry, okay?" I just stare at him, pissed off that he's interrupted me. "I really enjoyed this evening. It was awesome going out with you, you were real sweet and everything, and now suddenly you're flinching away every time I look at you and you pretty much sound like you want to end this."
    "Do you?" I whisper.
    Josh gives a frustrated sigh, running his hand through his hair, although there isn't that much hair to run it through. "No! Hell no! I've really enjoyed going out with you. Ever since I first met you, you've been real sweet and I just, God, I just love going out with someone who doesn't spend the whole time acting stupid or talking about sports. I thought you were enjoying it, too, even though my mates think I'm mad. I thought tonight we were even going to … " He stops and just sighs, although I know where that sentence was going.
    I suddenly feel a rush of warmth. Because despite the fact that he's a smirking, six foot tall, rugby shirt-wearing, totally-not-my-type guy, he actually said he wanted to go out with me. He wanted it! Wanted me! That's a kind of buzzing feeling.
    "I did enjoy it, too," I say, except now I'm really frustrated with myself, because that doesn't sound right. It sounds like I'm about to break up with him and I can see him getting more miserable with every word. "Josh, I'm sorry. I really fancy you."
    It's not what I wanted to say, barely even close. But it seems the quickest way. Except it doesn't cheer him up; it just makes him look slightly angrier.
    "Yeah, you said." Josh gives a bitter sigh. "Is it because I'm another hot rugby player you can get to screw you? Is that why you've been stringing this out so long?" He scowls.
    Suddenly, I'm angry. Not scared or