kinda cool. I just have to keep it hidden really well. My mom would shit a brick if she found it.
Well I just went over Ben ’s and we made out. He wanted to do more but I told him I wanted to wait. I wanted to go a little slower and make it special. He seemed to understand what I was saying but he seemed a little pissed too. I think it was just cause he really wanted to do it. He loves me. We should wait.
I still gave him a blow job and he came all over my face. That was really gross, but it made him happy. I think we ’re cool. I love him and he loves me, so we should wait until the time is perfect. How do I know when the time is perfect? Sometimes I get foggy, especially with the beer and pot. We had a beer tonight, but no pot.
Dylan and Jess weren ’t there. I guess Dylan’s folks found out that he took some of their stash the other night and they are PISSED at him. He’s laying low, Ben said.
I feel bad for Dylan. He ’s not a bad guy. He has a really bad home life. How can his parents have pot lying around the house but be mad at him for using some? That is strange. I’m so glad that I have my shit together. Missy was wrong; I am not messing up my life… I’m LIVING IT!
Sept 1
Wow, really really bad day. Ben barely spoke to me all day. He wasn ’t at my locker between classes and he didn’t sit with me at lunch. I still sat with Jess and Dylan but Ben never showed up.
Jess asked what happened and I told her we were slowing down. Ben was okay with that. Jess said, obviously he ’s not okay with it. Was Ben breaking up with me? Dylan’s gonna talk to him for me.
Jess just shook her head and said that she told me so. That ’s not what I want to hear. I thought she was my friend. What do I do now? I tried to call Ben after school, but he didn’t answer. Dylan gave me a ride home cause Ben left before I got out there.
Wow, seriously Ben, seriously? I thought you loved me. You said it was cool if I wanted to slow down. I need to talk to him… I need to make him understand.
Sept 2
It ’s official… Ben wants nothing to do with me. I can’t stop crying. I can’t even think straight. I love him so much. Why? How can he just forget about all we have together and move on without me. He won’t even look at me anymore.
I ’m gonna go over to his house tonight. I’ll walk there if I have to… maybe Dylan will give me a ride. I just HAVE to see him. He is my life. I want to be with him forever. If I need to sleep with him to keep him then I’ll do it. It’s no big deal, I just wanted it to be special. But I didn’t want to lose him over it. Oh god, I can’t stop crying.
My mom keeps trying to talk to me and I just want her to go away and leave me alone. There is no way that she will understand. The more I tell her to go away, the more she tries to pry into my life. I just want her to leave me the hell alone!!! I don’t need her, I need Ben.
I ’ve got to see him NOW!!!!! This hurts so much. I have to get him back, I have to!
Chapter 3
~I want him so bad~
Sept 2
Dylan took me over to Bens and he was there with some other girl. Dylan stayed with the girl and Ben took me into his room to talk.
He wouldn ’t even look at me. “It’s over, Candi.”
I started to cry. I tried not to and be strong but I couldn’t. I just love him and want him back.
He shook his head. “ I’m a man and I have needs. I thought that you could satisfy me, but I don’t think you can.”
“ I love you, Ben.”
“ I love you too, but that’s not enough. I need a woman, not a child. I need real love.”
“ I’ll do anything to keep you.”
“ You’re just a tease, Candi.”
“ No, I’m not. I swear I’m not.” I wanted to prove it to him. I undid his pants and started sucking on him.
He got big and hard. He liked it a lot. He smiled at me and said “ That’s more like it lover.” Lover, he actually called me his lover. I know that he loves me and I just want
Well I just went over Ben ’s and we made out. He wanted to do more but I told him I wanted to wait. I wanted to go a little slower and make it special. He seemed to understand what I was saying but he seemed a little pissed too. I think it was just cause he really wanted to do it. He loves me. We should wait.
I still gave him a blow job and he came all over my face. That was really gross, but it made him happy. I think we ’re cool. I love him and he loves me, so we should wait until the time is perfect. How do I know when the time is perfect? Sometimes I get foggy, especially with the beer and pot. We had a beer tonight, but no pot.
Dylan and Jess weren ’t there. I guess Dylan’s folks found out that he took some of their stash the other night and they are PISSED at him. He’s laying low, Ben said.
I feel bad for Dylan. He ’s not a bad guy. He has a really bad home life. How can his parents have pot lying around the house but be mad at him for using some? That is strange. I’m so glad that I have my shit together. Missy was wrong; I am not messing up my life… I’m LIVING IT!
Sept 1
Wow, really really bad day. Ben barely spoke to me all day. He wasn ’t at my locker between classes and he didn’t sit with me at lunch. I still sat with Jess and Dylan but Ben never showed up.
Jess asked what happened and I told her we were slowing down. Ben was okay with that. Jess said, obviously he ’s not okay with it. Was Ben breaking up with me? Dylan’s gonna talk to him for me.
Jess just shook her head and said that she told me so. That ’s not what I want to hear. I thought she was my friend. What do I do now? I tried to call Ben after school, but he didn’t answer. Dylan gave me a ride home cause Ben left before I got out there.
Wow, seriously Ben, seriously? I thought you loved me. You said it was cool if I wanted to slow down. I need to talk to him… I need to make him understand.
Sept 2
It ’s official… Ben wants nothing to do with me. I can’t stop crying. I can’t even think straight. I love him so much. Why? How can he just forget about all we have together and move on without me. He won’t even look at me anymore.
I ’m gonna go over to his house tonight. I’ll walk there if I have to… maybe Dylan will give me a ride. I just HAVE to see him. He is my life. I want to be with him forever. If I need to sleep with him to keep him then I’ll do it. It’s no big deal, I just wanted it to be special. But I didn’t want to lose him over it. Oh god, I can’t stop crying.
My mom keeps trying to talk to me and I just want her to go away and leave me alone. There is no way that she will understand. The more I tell her to go away, the more she tries to pry into my life. I just want her to leave me the hell alone!!! I don’t need her, I need Ben.
I ’ve got to see him NOW!!!!! This hurts so much. I have to get him back, I have to!
Chapter 3
~I want him so bad~
Sept 2
Dylan took me over to Bens and he was there with some other girl. Dylan stayed with the girl and Ben took me into his room to talk.
He wouldn ’t even look at me. “It’s over, Candi.”
I started to cry. I tried not to and be strong but I couldn’t. I just love him and want him back.
He shook his head. “ I’m a man and I have needs. I thought that you could satisfy me, but I don’t think you can.”
“ I love you, Ben.”
“ I love you too, but that’s not enough. I need a woman, not a child. I need real love.”
“ I’ll do anything to keep you.”
“ You’re just a tease, Candi.”
“ No, I’m not. I swear I’m not.” I wanted to prove it to him. I undid his pants and started sucking on him.
He got big and hard. He liked it a lot. He smiled at me and said “ That’s more like it lover.” Lover, he actually called me his lover. I know that he loves me and I just want
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