Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives Read Online Free PDF Page A

blog, “I don’t feel a sense of accountability to my calendar, just to the people associated with the appointments. If the entry is just ‘go for a jog’ I’m not likely to do it.” Another Obliger summarized: “Promises made to yourself can be broken. It’s the promises made to others that should never be broken.” Obligers need external accountability even for activities that they want to do. An Obliger told me, “I never made time to read, so I joined a book group where you’re really expected to read the book.” Behavior that Obligers sometimes attribute to self-sacrifice —“Why do I always make time for other people’s priorities at the expense of my own priorities?”—is often better explained as need for accountability .
    Obligers find ingenious ways to create external accountability. One Obliger explained, “I wanted to go to basketball games, but I never went. I bought season tickets with my brother, and now I go, because he’s annoyed if I don’t show.” Another said, “If I want to clean out my closet this weekend, I call a charity now, to come and pick up my donations on Monday.” Another Obliger said, with regret, “I signed up for a photography course, because I knew I needed assignments and deadlines. I took several classes, then thought, ‘I love it, so I don’t need to take a class.’ Guess how many photos I’ve taken since? One.” Next semester, he’s taking a class.
    The need to be a role model often prompts Obligers to keep good habits. One Obliger friend eats vegetables only when his children can see him, and another told me, “I knew I’d never practice piano, so I waited until my kids could take lessons—and now we do it together, and I have to practice, because if I don’t, they won’t.” Obligers can sometimes do things for the sake of others that they couldn’t do for themselves. Several Obligers told me, practically in the same words, “If it weren’t for the children, I’d still be stuck in a bad marriage. I had to get the divorce for my kids.”
    The weight of outer expectations can make Obligers susceptible to burnout, because they have trouble telling people “no.” An Obliger explained, “I drop everything to proofread my colleagues’ reports, but I’m terrible about making time to finish my own reports.”
    Obligers may find it difficult to form a habit, because often we undertake habits for our own benefit, and Obligers do things more easily for others than for themselves. For them, the key is external accountability.
Rebels
    Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike . They choose to act from a sense of choice, of freedom. Rebels wake up and think, “What do I want to do today?” They resist control, even self-control, and enjoy flouting rules and expectations.
    Rebels work toward their own goals, in their own way, and while they refuse to do what they’re “supposed” to do, they can accomplish their own aims. One Rebel told me, “My master’s thesis was ten pages shorter than recommended, and I convinced the department to add an unconventional adviser to my panel. So I got it done and did well on it—but on my terms.”
    Rebels place a high value on authenticity and self-determination, and bring an unshackled spirit to what they do. A Rebel commented, “I do the assignment I want to complete rather than the one assigned. The problem comes when there’s something I’m expected to do regularly (like running weekly quality checks), and therefore I just can’t.” At times, the Rebel resistance to authority is enormously valuable to society. As one Questioner pointed out, “The Rebels’ best asset is their voice of dissent. We shouldn’t try to school it out of them, or corporate culture it out, or shame it out. It’s there to