Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives Read Online Free PDF

protect us all.”
    But Rebels often frustrate others because they can’t be asked or told to do anything. They don’t care if “people are counting on you,” “you said you’d do it,” “your parents will be upset,” “it’s against the rules,” “this is the deadline,” or “it’s rude.” In fact, asking or telling Rebels to do something often makes them do just the opposite . A Rebel wrote: “Being told or expected to do something creates a ‘stop’ sensation that I have to actively overcome. If I’m asked to empty the dishwasher, my brain says, ‘Well, I was going to, but now you went and asked, so I can’t. So no.’ ”
    The people around Rebels must guard against accidentally igniting their spirit of opposition—particularly challenging for the parents of Rebel children. One parent explained, “The best way to wrangle the Rebel child is to give the kid the information to make a decision, present the issue as a question that he alone can answer, and let him make a decision and act without telling you. Let him make a decision without an audience. Audiences = expectations. If he thinks you’re not watching, he won’t need to rebel against your expectations.” Another parent: “My Rebel son got expelled and didn’t want to work toward a career, though he’s very smart. When he turned eighteen, we gave him an around-the-world plane ticket and said, ‘Over to you!’ He traveled for three years, and now he’s in grad school, and doing very well.”
    Rebels sometimes frustrate even themselves, because they can’t tell themselves what to do. Writer John Gardner observed, “My compulsion not to do what people tell me … makes me change places of living or change my life in one way or another, which often make me very unhappy. I wish I could just settle down.” On the other hand, Rebels can be skillful at channeling their Rebel energy in constructive ways. A Rebel who wants to stick to a budget might say, “I won’t be manipulated by marketers trying to sell me junk,” or a Rebel who wants to succeed in school might say, “No one thinks I can get into a good college, but I’ll show them.”
    Rebels often gravitate toward work with a Wild West element—such as my Rebel friend who works in disruptive technology (not just any technology, he’s careful to emphasize, but disruptive technology). Rebels resist hierarchies and rules, and they often work better with others when they’re in charge. However, the opposite of a profound truth is also true, and surprisingly, some Rebels gravitate to institutions with many rules. As one commenter noted, “Letting others have control can bring freedom as well. You’d probably find more Rebels in the military than you’d suspect.” Another Rebel noted: “Perhaps Rebels need a boundary to bend, flex, and break. Left to my own devices, I become restless and unproductive because there are no rules to break or no to-do list, which at the end of the day I look at, and think, ‘Hooray, I didn’t do any of those things.’ ”
    Anytime I speak about the Tendencies, I ask people to raise their hands to indicate their category. I was surprised when a group of Christian ministers had an unusually high percentage of Rebels. A Rebel clergy member explained: “Clergy think of themselves as called and therefore different. They have the blessing of their colleagues, congregation, and God, which sets them above many things in life, including rules.”
    No surprise—Rebels resist habits. I met a woman who was, I immediately realized, a Rebel. I asked, “Don’t you find it exhausting to make choices every single day?”
    â€œNo,” she answered. “Making choices makes me feel free.”
    â€œI give myself limits to give myself freedom,” I