Battle of the Dum Diddys Read Online Free PDF

brain was sizzling. Smoke poured out of my ears.
    Think…. Think ….
    Just when an idea started to form, someone tapped me on the shoulder.
    I opened my eyes. I blinked a few times. “Oh, hi, Mrs. Twinkler,” I said. “You’re looking good. I love that green ribbon in your hair.”
    â€œIt’s not a ribbon,” she said. “Some kid spit lettuce at me.”
    She held on to my shoulder. “Bernie, we need to have a serious talk.”
    Uh-oh.

Chapter 15
“SO REAL! SO FRESH!”
    â€œBernie, I’m worried about the pageant,” Mrs. Twinkler said.
    I blinked. “Pageant?”
    Beast let out a roaring burp. It lasted at least a minute and made a large brown stain on the table-top.
    â€œDon’t pay any attention to him,” I told Mrs. T. “He usually eats on the floor, but someone stole his food dish.”
    â€œBernie, I hope you’re not letting me down. The pageant is going to thrill our students and teachers.It’ll get raves. Raves! You’ll be shining stars! But…have you been rehearsing?” she asked.
    Rehearsing?
    â€œOf course,” I said. “We rehearse day and night, Mrs. Twinkler.”
    â€œThen how come I haven’t been invited to any rehearsals?”
    Think fast, Bernie ….
    â€œWe want it to be perfect before you see it,” I said. “We’re working so hard. We’re desperate to make you proud of us.”
    â€œDo the costumes fit?” she asked.
    â€œPerfectly,” I said.
    I wasn’t lying. They fit the trunk perfectly. Too bad I’d never opened the trunk….
    â€œAnd what about the sets?” Mrs. T. asked. “Who is building the sets?”
    Think fast again, Bernie ….
    â€œUh…we’re not using sets,” I said. “We’re…uh…going to do the pageant outdoors. You know. Out on the grass. To make the battle more real.”
    She smiled. “Nice idea! That’s fresh !” she said. She clapped me hard on the back. “Fresh! Veryfresh! I can see you put a lot of thought into this.”
    â€œOh, yes. A lot,” I said.
    Down the table, Beast lapped up a bowl of split-pea soup, then made it come out his nose. When Crench turned to laugh at Beast, Feenman swiped all the French fries off Crench’s plate. He stuffed them into his pants pocket to eat later.
    Mrs. T. pulled another lettuce leaf from her hair. “Are you really rehearsing?” she asked.
    â€œWe’re rehearsing right now,” I said. “See? We’re not really eating lunch. We’re practicing the big dinner scene. That’s where the battle started in 1650.”
    She rubbed her forehead. “I…I don’t remember that.”
    â€œYes,” I said, “this is the opening scene. Watch how the battle starts.”
    Crench turned to Feenman. “Hey—you jerk! You stole my French fries!”
    â€œProve it,” Feenman replied.
    Crench shoved his hand into Feenman’s pocket and pulled out some fries. “You’re a total jerk!” he shouted.
    I grinned at Mrs. Twinkler. “I wrote that line,” I said. “It works—right?”
    Crench grabbed Feenman, and they started wrestling on the table, grunting and growling, punching each other, rolling over everyone’s lunch.
    â€œThat’s how the Battle of Rotten Town started,” I told Mrs. T. “I did some more research.”
    She clapped her hands together. “So real! They look like they’re really fighting!”
    â€œPractice,” I said. “Practice and hard work.”
    â€œSo fresh!” she exclaimed. “Fresh and delightful!”
    Feenman tugged a fistful of French fries from his pocket and shoved them into his mouth. He and Crench rolled onto the floor with a thud and kept fighting.
    â€œWonderful work!” Mrs. T. exclaimed. “Good acting. But are you sure that’s how the Battle of Rotten