Backteria and Other Improbable Tales Read Online Free PDF Page A

Sleep.
    Dream on dream within the smooth and creamy silent walls.
    The pendulum stops.

Man with a Club
    Jeez, wait’ll I tell you what happened last night, Mack. I swear you’ll never believe it. You’ll think I’m nuts. But I swear Mack, I swear I seen it with my own eyes.
    I was out with Dot.
You
know, the broad that lives down near Prospect Park. Yeah, you remember her.
    Well, we was going up the Paramount t’see Frankie Laine. Sat’day night, you know. Puttin’ on the dog. Show, feed, take her home, give’er the old one two.
    Well, anyway, I guess it was, oh, seven thirty when we come up from the I.R.T. station. Forty secon’ street. Time Square. You know the place. Where they got stores down the stairs. They sell jelly apples and stuff. Yeah, yeah, that’s right.
    So we come up the street, see? It’s jus’ like any time. You know, all the t’eatres lit up, people walkin’ around. I grab Dot’s arm and we head for Broadway.
    Then I see a bunch o’ guys across the street. So I figure it’s probably some drunk cuttin’ up.
You
know. So I says to Dot—come on let’s go see what everybody’s lookin’ at.
    So she says—Aw come on, we wantta get a good seat. So I says…haah? Course I don’t let no broad crack the whip over me.
Come on
I say. So I pull her arm and we cross the street even though she don’t wanna.
    So there’s a big crowd there, see? There’s so many people I can’t see what’s up. So I taps a guy on the shoulder and I says—what’s goin’ on?
He
don’t know. He gives me a shrug. Is it some guy drunk? I says to him.
He
don’t know. He says he thinks it’s some guy who ain’t got on no clothes. Yeah! That’s what the guy said. Woid fo’ woid.
    So Dot says—let’s go, will ya? I give her the eye.
You
know. Cut it out I says. If there’s a guy without no clothes, you’ll be the first one’ll wanna see it, I says. So she gets all snooty. You know, like all broads get. Sure.
    So anyway, we stick around. I push more in the crowd so I can see. Everyone is kinda quiet. You know how crowds is when they’re lookin’ at somethin’. Like remember how quiet we all was when we was all watching old man Riley when the truck run over him? Yeah, that’s right. Quiet like that.
    So I keep shovin’. And Dot comes with me too. She knows what’s good for ‘er. She ain’t givin’
me
up. Not with my dough she ain’t. Bet your sweet…haah? Awright, awright, I’m tellin’ ya, ain’t I? Don’t get ‘em in a sling.
    So we get up to the front practically and we see what’s up.
    It’s a guy. Yeah. The guy had clothes on too. Yeah, ya slob, what didja think, I was gonna say he was bareass on Time Square? Haa haa, ya jerk!
    So this guy has on like a bathin’ suit see? Like made of fur. You know. Like Tarzan wears. But he don’t look like no Tarzan. He looks like one of them apes Tarzan fights. Lots of muscles. Jeez he was more musclebound than them weight lifters down the “Y”. Muscles all over ‘im.
Covered
with ‘em!
    Covered with hair too. Like an ape. Ya know how cold it was last night? Well this guy wasn’t even cold, that’s how hairy he was.
    But scared? Jeez, was he scared. Scared stiff. He had his back to a store window. You know the one, where they sell jewelry for ninety-nine cents. Yeah, near that t’eatre.
    Inside the store this guy is starin’ out at this other guy. This ape, this guy in Tarzan clothes. Yeah.
    This guy has a club in his hand too.
Big
crappin’ thing! Like a ballbat only lot fatter. Covered with bumps. Yeah. Like them cavemen used to carry. Yeah…haah? Wait a secon’ will ya? I’ll get to it. You ain’t heard nothin’ yet. This is a kick.
    So we look at this jerk, see? Dot pulls back sort of. What’s the matter I says to her, ya sorry he ain’t got no clothes on? She don’t say nothin’. Just looks white in the gills. Dames. You know.
    So I turn to this old jerk next to me. I ask him—who is this guy? But he don’t know.
    Where’d