Backteria and Other Improbable Tales Read Online Free PDF

he come from, I say to him. He shakes his head.
    He looked cockeyed, this old jerk. He was staring at this other guy with the club. And his hands is closed like he was prayin’ or somethin’. Yeah! Aah, ya meet ‘em all over. ‘Specially in Time Square. Ha! You said it Mack. Ain’t it the truth?
    So, anyway, where the hell am I? Haah? Oh, yeah.
    So I ask this slob once more another question. I asks him how long he’s standin’ there. He turns and looks at me like he gonna jump me. Yeah. Jeez, Mack, no crap.
    Then he says—just a little while. He turns away again and starts in starin’ at the crazy guy with the club. He has a book under his arm too. Whattaya mean who? The old jerk I mean. He keeps starin’ at this guy with the club.
    So Dot pulls my arm. Come on, she says, let’s go. I pull away. Let go woman, I says. I want to see what goes. So I look up front again.
    This hairy guy is showin’ his teeth at everybody, see? Yeah. Like an animal. Some broads in the crowd is pullin’ their dates back. Come
on
, come
on
, they’re sayin’. Jeez. Broads. Ya can’t argue with ‘em. They’re too dumb.
You
know.
    Then someone says—
call
a cop. So I figure things’re gonna get hot soon. Maybe there’ll be a good fight, I says to Dot. So what does she do? Come on Mickey, she says, let’s go see Frankie Laine. Laine Schmaine. Aah, fo’ Chrissakes anyway. What can ya expect from a dame?
    Haah? So I says to her—in a couple o’ minutes. Can’tch wait a couple o’ minutes? A cop’ll come soon I says to her. Cops always stick their noses in when there’s a crowd.
    So I turn to a guy on the other side of me and I says to him—where did this guy come from?
    Who the hell knows? he says. All I know is, I was walkin’ by, all of a sudden,
bang
! There he is, standin’ by the window.
    So we look at the guy. Would ya look at the guy, says this guy. Look at those teeth. He looks like a caveman.
    I’m getting’ to that Mack. I’m
getting’
to it. Hold your water.
    So I look at the guy with the club, see? His eyes is small. His chin sticks way out. He looks like…you remember the time we cut school that day. What day? Shut up a second and I’ll tell you what day!
    You remember we went through Central Park and we went to that museum? You know,
way
up there. Around 80 th street or somethin’.
I
don’t know. Anyway, you remember those cases o’ heads?
    No, ya jerk, don’t ya remember? It was upstairs someplace. Well, what the hell. Anyway, the heads showed what men looked like from the time they was apes.
    So what? So this guy looked like what men looked like t’ousands o’ years ago. Or millions. Who knows? Anyway, this guy looks like a caveman. Yeah.
    Let’s see. Where was I? Oh, yeah.
    So I hear some guy say—this is hideous.
    Yeah! Ha! This guy says—this is
hideous
. Ain’t that a kick? Well who the hell d’you think? The
old jerk
! With his bible. I
did
so tell ya it was a bible. Awright, so I said he had a book. So I meant it was a bible.
    So I look at this guy see? The old guy.
    He looks like one of those jerks you see down in the Square. You know, giving the crap about—comes the revolution!
You
know. Reds. Yeah.
    Anyway I figure I’ll humor the old fart. So I says—where do ya think the guy come from?
    Well,
holy Jeez
, if this guy doesn’t give me the eye like I spit on his old lady or something.
    Don’t you know? he says to me. Don’t you
see?
    Yeah. How do ya like that? Don’t I
see
. See what fo’ crap’s sake? That’s what
I
wanna know.
    So I look the old jerk over. Some goddam Commie I figure. I would’ve give him the knee if there wasn’t so many guys around.
    Well, to make a long story short, all of a sudden the crowd
jumps back
! I get almost knocked down. Dot yells blue murder. Look out! someone else yells.
    So I look up front.
    The crazy guy is tryin’ to jump some broad up front. He’s
growlin’
at her. Yeah! Look, was I there or wasn’t I? Well, shut up then. I was