A Single Eye Read Online Free PDF Page A

breakfast. That’s breakfast in the zendo—”
    â€œBut no formal dress?”
    He eyed me again. For a moment I thought he was annoyed, or just confused, but then he shifted his glance to my suitcase that did not hold the evening gown, and grinned. “Then there are three more sitting periods, lunch, break, work period, three sitting periods, dinner, break, sit, sit, sit, snooze, if you haven’t been doing that on and off all day. The sesshin director, Rob, has been around for years. There’s no one better. He’s the Buddha of detail, so competent he doubles as jisha .”
    â€œ Jisha? The roshi’s assistant?”
    He nodded, barely skipping a beat. “The cook—even his gruel is great! We grow some of our own vegetables, and there’s the little chocolate business to bring in money. What else? Hmm. You sleep in a cabin or a dorm. Bare bones. Have dokusan —interview—with the roshi—”
    â€œGarson-roshi. Tell me about him.”
    The catch in my voice surprised me. It jolted me back to the reason I had come to this sesshin, to study with this teacher. He is like you. Keeps hidden from himself. He will see what you do not want him to see. It is a great chance for you . If Garson-roshi was going to see into me, I damned well needed a heads-up on who he was. As for the guy who disappeared, I knew better than to ask directly. Students are protective of their teachers. Leo wouldn’t tell a woman he’d met half an hour ago about what could well be his teacher’s lowest moment. More likely, he’d clam up altogether.
    I hedged, “Garson was here in the beginning, right?”
    The steering wheel was big and thick. Leo tapped his fingers slowly, as if taking careful aim with his nails. Even amidst the clatter of the truck and its contents, the sharp clicks were unnerving. He let his gaze rest on me a shade too long. “We don’t have much time to talk. I want to hear about you , Darcy.”
    The truck jolted again and forced his gaze to the road. I clutched my pack in front of me, only partially to keep it from bouncing. Did he know about me, my work or my dumb fear? How could he? I hadn’t mentioned either on the application. To everyone here I was tree-neutral Darcy Lott, self-employed.
    So, then was he just avoiding my question? Or did this sweet old guy have more on his mind? There’s an intimacy about any sesshin; romances bloom, die, and can be long buried before the end. You think when you come to sesshin it’ll all be spiritual, but twenty-six people in the woods for two weeks are still twenty-six people in the woods. I eyed him anew over my pack. Nothing about him offered an answer; he was just a funny, cute old guy in a knit cap trying to shepherd an old truck along the road. A guy, but maybe not so old as I’d assumed. I’d been judging him by Manhattan standards. Life out here was hard on skin, and sitting zazen could be murder on knees. He was probably no more than ten years older than I and there was definitely something intriguing about him. But that didn’t matter, because the last thing I needed in my two weeks here was getting involved with a man, “cute and intriguing” notwithstanding.
    â€œYou okay, Darcy?” Leo’s hand was on my shoulder.
    I jumped. “Yeah. The truck bouncing around; it scared me. We don’t drive dirt roads in Manhattan.”
    â€œWe’re almost halfway there. Around the bend there’s a path to the monastery, about a mile long. You could walk. But the road’s not that bad, right?”
    He smiled. I could tell he knew I was avoiding and covering, and something about the way he let his hand linger made me uneasy about leaving him with questions to gnaw on. I had to give him something.
    â€œOkay, here’s the thumbnail. I am the youngest of seven children. My oldest sister, Katy, works for a news organization now, Janice was known as