1995 - The UnDutchables Read Online Free PDF Page A

unblessed water for the duration of your occupancy. Even if it dripped on you earlier, please don’t break it off now.
    The toilet brush is another compulsory component. It is necessitated by the inspection shelf and is included in the whole spectrum of Dutch dwellings, both permanent and temporary. After using the toilet, a well-behaved guest will always clean the toilet bowl meticulously with the brush and chemical cleansers provided. From the poorest houseboat to the most exclusive and elegant hotel, the trusty toilet brush will always occupy a meaningful space in the chamber. It is an item accepted by all, mentioned by none, seen to be used by none, yet always wet.
    Typical WC decor consists of a birthday calendar affixed to the door; the compulsory plant (heaven help it); reading matter; a can of ineffective air freshener; and an aged, corny sign or cartoon requesting men, pigs or bulls to lift the seat.
The Kitchen
    Second place for the smallest-room award goes to the kitchen, if indeed a separate room exists for it. This room, or area, epitomizes the Dutch gift for efficient space utilization. In lower income homes, the whole area is cluttered with cooking pots, utensils, house plants and beer crates. An aging, white four-ring gas burner ( gasstel ) sits atop the refrigerator. In higher income homes, the whole area is bedecked with modern appliances (microwave oven, blender, juicer, food processor, etc.), house plants and beer crates. A stainless steel or brown four-ring gasstel sits proudly atop the smallest refrigerator.
    Also prominently featured/displayed: a wide selection of exotic and ethnic herbs and spices (usually supported by wall charts and guide books), even if they never use them.
    No Dutch kitchen would be complete without the coffee corner, a sacrosanct area displaying a drip-type coffee maker ( koffiezetapparaat ), an array of jars and cans, an abundant supply of condensed milk ( koffiemelk ) and a collection of coffee cups, saucers and miscellaneous dwarf spoons. A pack of coffee filters is loosely pinned to the wall.
    A small gas water heater ( geyser ) is usually mounted on the wall above the sink and provides hot water for the entire home. This configuration works well, provided only one hot water outlet is used at a time. If you take a shower and the water turns cold, it is probably because someone is filling a kettle in the kitchen.
House Pets
    Favourite pets ( huisdieren ) include:
cats (to catch mice)
dogs (the smaller the abode, the larger the dog)
fish (observation of which supposedly curbs violence)
rabbits (for the children to cuddle)
guinea pigs (for the rabbit(s) to cuddle)
rats (to carry about town on owner’s shoulder)
exotic birds (to feel sorry for, locked in their cages).
    A popular pet in country homes is the female goat, an ethnic symbol, to provide milk and cheese ( geitemelk, geitekaas ).
Houseboats
    There are about 2,400 houseboats ( woonboten ) in Amsterdam alone. Houseboats became prevalent due to the extreme housing shortage at the end of World War II. They are ideal living places for those who find the average a dutch home 35
    Dutch house or flat too spacious. A houseboat is usually a shabby, converted canal barge which provides one or two cheap accommodation units. In general, canal boats have no rusty hook hanging from a gable; the trap is replaced by an unstable, narrow gangplank; the furnishings remain typical but fewer due to weight and structural limitations; the toilet cupboard is even smaller; and raw sewage drains directly into the canal in which the boat sits. Ventilation is generally poor, heating is by means of an oil-fired stove, and cooking is done on a butane or natural gas hob. All this makes the habitat a potential floating-bomb, and a houseboat home on a busy waterway adds a whole new meaning to the word HANGOVER.
    Despite these minor inconveniences, it remains fashionable to reside in a houseboat. Perhaps this stems from nautical traditions. For many, it