Zombie Elementary Read Online Free PDF Page A

fielding positions. It’s a no-brainer, right? I said this to Jermaine.
    “Yeah, but the other team has no brains, Lar. And they want ours.”
    He was right. I looked over the whole field.
    The Pirates had six guys shambling toward the dugout. Alex was in front, arms out, all “ NNGAAARRRGGGHHH !!!!” A couple of the other kids were doing the same thing. One younger boy was chirruping, “ BRAIINNNSSS! ” in a real high voice. The others were just sorta dopey. Nick fell over his feet.
    Wait a minute. I knew Eric had taken off running a moment before. And the catcher had run away fromthe minivan before the game began, though that didn’t change the number of players on the field. There should have been nine, minus Eric, which equaled …
    I had to think about it for a sec.
    “Over there!” Jermaine pointed out a body lying in the outfield. “He fell over and couldn’t figure out how to get up again!”
    Not too smart, these zombies.
    “And there—there’s another one!”
    I looked to where he was pointing. Another boy was running like crazy through the parking lot toward the highway.
    ZOMBIE TIP
    Although you may have been told to “finish what you started,” there’s no point in making it even easier for the zombies to get you. In case of a serious threat of ghoulish attack, you are best advised to leave your vegetables, give up on your spelling test, or—in this case—run away from a sporting event in which you are participating. It won’t go on your Permanent Record.
    None of the adults noticed a thing. Our coach was arguing with our players. The Pirates’ coach was yelling at his players. He was shouting real loud because most of them were just not listening to him.
    “He doesn’t get it,” said Jermaine. “You can’t make a zombie follow instructions. They are mindless brain-eating creatures.”
    I guess that was true but, all the same, the Pirates were getting ready to bat. Even the mindless brain-eating creatures. Maybe zombies just like to play baseball. I know I do.

KYLE:
That makes no sense at all!
LARRY:
What can I say?

12
    I’m not about to tell you all about the first couple of Pirate batters up. I can only say that Joey Chicka enjoyed the best pitching he’s ever done.
    Not that Joey could pitch worth a lick. He could throw at a tree stump and give the thing a walk. If he gets one ball out of three anywhere near the plate, it’s a good day in baseball for Joey and his dad.
    But, first guy came out, stumbled around, Joey pitched, guy fell down. Umpire signaled he was out.
    Second guy stood there, waving his bat like he’d never seen it before. Struck out as soon as Joey threw the third pitch. Guy tried to bite a kid carrying water and staggered back to the dugout. Thing about these zombies was—far as I could tell—when they first turned they were just dopey. Slow, stupid. Like, undead but draggy. It took a while before theygot all “ NNGAARRRGGGGHHH !!!!” and started attacking people. I’m not counting the water boy as a real attack. Kid just stepped out of the way and gave the batter a dirty look.
    Dirty looks won’t get you far with real motivated zombies, I can tell you.
    ZOMBIE TIP
    Larry’s right. Smart remarks and writing stuff about them on bathroom walls have no effect on zombies, either.
    And talking of which, Alex was up third in the batting order.
    Joey was feeling pretty confident now. Too confident. People with no talent should never get too confident. (My tip for the day.)
    He pitched. Alex wasn’t really standing like a batter was supposed to. He was frothing and making hissing noises and sorta swaying from one foot tothe other. The ball came and he swatted at it with one hand. Really, that’s not legal. I could show you in the rules. Ball connected and went off toward Joey. Easy catch, you’d think. Only Joey’d finally got the message that something was real wrong in today’s game. Soon as Alex hit the ball, he let out this enormous yell (which I