Zero Tolerance Meets the Alien Death Ray and Other (Mostly) Inappropriate Stories Read Online Free PDF Page B

food.

De-Fence
    Greg was the only kid in Potterstown who
really hated the Ulmeyer dogs. A lot of the kids in town were
afraid of the three huge, snarling mixed breeds that guarded the
lawn in front of Mr. and Mrs. Ulmeyer's house. Most of the kids
didn't like the dogs. But, as far as he knew, Greg was the only one
who really hated the dogs.
    He hated them because of what had happened
the very first time he'd seen them. The Ulmeyers had just moved
into the neighborhood. The house was brand new. There were a lot of
houses being built in that part of town. Greg had been walking down
Perry Street, right past Ulmeyer's house, when the three dogs
charged from the back yard. They'd raced around the house like a
hunting pack, bursting into the front yard with an anger and fury
that had made Greg jump. He'd actually leaped into the air — like
some kind of scared little kid. Then he'd run. As he tore off, he
looked over his shoulder. The three dogs had started to chase him.
But they'd stopped at the edge of the yard. They wouldn't go into
the street.
    Greg's relief at his escape was quickly
washed away by anger. The dogs had made him jump. They'd startled
him. For a moment, he'd been less than cool. He'd run. Greg looked
around. Nobody had seen him jump and run. But that didn't matter.
Greg knew what he'd done. And he knew he wanted to get even.
    The next time he came down Perry street,
Greg braced himself. The dogs charged from the back yard again.
This time, Greg didn't jump. It wasn't easy. But as he stood there,
he saw something that made him smile. There was a small sign stuck
in the grass at the edge of the front yard. It said "De-Fence
Electronic Pet Barrier." Then Greg noticed that each of the dogs
wore a collar with a small box on it.
    "You can't get me," Greg said. He knew about
these fences. They were some kind of electronic thing, with a wire
around the edge of the yard. There was a signal running through the
wire. The collar shocked the dog if it came too close. The dogs
wouldn't cross the line.
    "Can't get me," Greg said again. This was
going to be fun. He jumped up and down, waving his arms and
laughing. The dogs snarled. Saliva dripped from their mouths.
    But they couldn't leave the yard.
    From that moment, Greg had a new purpose in
life. Whenever he had to go anywhere, he made sure he walked down
Perry street. He learned exactly how close he could get to the edge
of the Ulmeyer lawn. He knew how far the dogs would lunge as they
snapped at him with their angry jaws.
    Greg figured out ways to drive the dogs
crazy. One day, he brought a piece of hamburger he'd saved from
dinner. He held it close to them. "Mmmmmm, can't you just taste
it?" Greg said. Then, slowly, he moved it toward his mouth and ate
it.
    Another day, he brought an old tennis ball
he'd found. He held it up for the dogs to see, then threw it down
the street. "Fetch!" he shouted.
    The dogs went crazy.
    Nobody ever came to see what all the barking
was about. Greg knew both Ulmeyers worked all day. In the evening,
they often went out. It was easy to tell when they were out — they
always put on the light next to the garage. They turned it off when
they got home. So Greg had total freedom to taunt the dogs. Most of
the other houses on the street were still empty. Some weren't even
finished yet. There was little chance that anyone would interfere
with Greg's revenge.
    But it wasn't enough. Greg felt he wasn't
getting the dogs back for what they had done to him. And he knew
they still wanted to hurt him. He could tell. Whenever he came
close to them, they got that wide eyed look, with lips curled back
and ears flattened. They wanted to rip him apart and fight over his
liver.
    Greg's burning desire was to find one
perfect scheme that would pay back the dogs for what they had done
to him. He wanted to drive them over the edge of sanity — make them
so crazy that their owners would have to send them to the
pound.
    The idea came to him when he was