Zero Tolerance Meets the Alien Death Ray and Other (Mostly) Inappropriate Stories Read Online Free PDF Page A

what'll
happen. They're all grown up already. This stuff is for them.
You're still growing normally. Why mess with that?"
    A strange expressions flashed across Augie's
face. I could almost see him thinking. I shuddered as he nodded.
"Yeah. You're right. I'm growing. But you're not. You need this
more than I do." His grin was pure evil now.
    "Why don't we share it?" I couldn't believe
my mind was still working well enough to find a way to stall him.
Half the bottle would do less damage to me than a whole bottle.
    "Not a bad idea." Augie drank down his share
of the liquid. Then he wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
    I tried to spin away, but he grabbed my jaw
with his free hand. "Open wide."
    "No!"
    As he moved the bottle toward my mouth, I
kicked him in the shin as hard as I could. I think he was more
startled than hurt. Either way, the kick was enough loosen his
grip. I raced for the door. Augie was right behind me. Just when I
was about to grab the knob, I felt myself rise into the air. Augie
had me by the back of my neck.
    He turned his wrist so I was facing him.
"You're gonna suffer now, shrimp," he said.
    I braced myself for a flood of pain. Then I
started to move away from Augie. Which made no sense, since I was
dangling from his grip like a cheap sweater on a clothes hook. But
I was definitely moving. Somehow, my body was inching away from
his.
    I looked around for an explanation. When I
found it, I was even happier that I hadn't drank any of that
liquid.
    Augie's arm was getting longer. The growth
stuff was working. I was also moving higher. I guess his legs were
growing, too. Everything was growing.
    No. Not everything.
    That's the second thing I realized. As I
watched his fingers curl around the bottle and his arm extend from
his sleeve, I knew it wasn't his whole body that was reacting to
the stuff he drank. Not his flesh, veins, or muscles. It was just
his bones.
    Augie wasn't all that smart, but I guess he
knew something was wrong. And I guess he forgot all about me,
because he let go of my neck. I dropped from his grip and hit the
ground hard, but I was happy to be free, and really happy that I
hadn't taken a swig of that liquid.
    He was staring at his hands now, as his
fingers grew even longer. He still had the bottle. When his thumb
shifted, I saw another word above GROWTH. I guess I already knew
what it was. BONE. Yeah, Augie hadn't found the football guys
growth formula. He'd found one for bone growth.
    His bones were sure growing.
    His head was swelling, too. The flesh
stretched tight on his face as his skull got bigger. He looked like
one of those really old celebrities who'd made too many visits to
the plastic surgeon.
    When he opened his mouth to scream, I
noticed that even his teeth were growing.
    Well, I guess Augie got his wish. He was a
lot bigger. But the growth seemed to have stopped, now. It's good
for him he didn't drink the whole bottle. I don't think his skin
could have stretched that far without tearing. He was pretty much
pushed to the limit. I shuddered at the thought of his bones
bursting through his flesh.
    He was still staring at his hands, but I
don't think he was seeing anything right now. I was pretty sure he
was numbed by the shock.
    "Augie? Hey, Augie?" I didn't bother to add,
"Are you okay?" because that would have been one of the top ten
stupidest questions of all time.
    He didn't answer me.
    "I'll go get the nurse," I said. It was the
only thing I could think to do. Not that it would help much. I
opened the door, then stopped and went back. I pried the bottle
from his hand, found the cap, screwed it back on, and put the
bottle in my pocket.
    The stuff was obviously dangerous. But what
if I just took one drop? Yeah, one little drop at a time. Just
enough to make me grow a little bit. That would work. I knew I
could handle it. I was a lot smarter than Augie. And one day, I'd
be just as big.

 
Art Is a Matter of
Taste
    Duchamp Elementary School was crammed. The
population had grown so