With Love and Squalor Read Online Free PDF Page A

him.
     
    When my turn came I fumbled the question, but he treated it with respect and made a little joke to make me feel better.
     
    At close of play, the buzz from the journalists filled the room like electricity.That’s when I took my chance.
     
    Get anything, they’d told me. Anything he touched, take it and the money was mine.
     
    It was my lucky day. When I got to the stand there were three items waiting: a glass, a serviette and a hand-written list of prompts. I dropped them into my handbag without anyone noticing and left the building without so much as a wave from security.
     
    That was nine months ago. True to their word, they invited me to witness the birth. They filled me in on the regime the host had been on and, I must say, I was impressed by their attention to detail.
     
    Mum and Dad were there, too. They must be billionaires if they can afford to clone the most powerful man on Earth.
     
    Thing I don’t understand is this. I thought clones were supposed to be dead-ringers of the parent and I can’t for the life of me recall anything about Obama being born with ginger hair. Not that I was about to hang around for a science lesson. There are some things a girl just doesn’t need to know.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    No Pain, No Gain
     
    After all he’d dished out he must surely have got the message. I wasn’t about to tell them shit.
     
    Smashed my nose, pulled teeth, took nails and sent shocks through my private parts and I still hadn’t spilled a bean.
     
    Even broke my fingers.
     
    Hell, I used to do that on purpose when I was a kid when I didn’t want to eat my greens. Freaked my parents out watching me bend the fuckers till they cracked. Surest way I knew of getting out of stuff.
     
    “Where’s Jamie-Ray?” The old bastard was getting tired and sweating all over the place. The man needs to go out there and join a gym you ask me.
     
    Did my best to shrug my shoulders. Wasn’t easy with my hands tied to the chair. Scumbag hadn’t even given me a cushion.
     
    Wilson raised the wrench over his head like he was about to use it.
     
    I smiled.
     
    He used it.
     
     
     
    When I came round I was still trussed up, only I was lying on my side in a sticky red pool. 
     
    At least there wasn’t no Bart Wilson there. All I had to do was get myself to a hospital and explain.
     
    Took me a couple a hours to get my hands free. After that it was plain sailing.
     
    Headed down to Accident and Emergency.
     
    Had to go through the same old crap.
     
    “Have you been taking drugs, sir?” They usually ask that. Sometimes it’s about drinking and others it’s about mental health, but mostly it’s the drugs.
     
    I wasn’t in fit shape to answer. Tried, but something wasn’t working in the mouth department.
     
    “You think there’s something wrong? Would you open wide?”
     
    She was just playing me along, I could tell. Waiting to send me up to see a shrink or something.
     
    A couple of other nurses came over. Hovered over the desk trying to look busy. Like they’d be any good at security if the lady needed help.
     
    I opened my mouth like she asked.
     
    “Oh my word,” she said. “Sit yourself over there and I’ll get a doctor over as soon as one’s available.”
     
    She started being nice. Came round and put her arms round my shoulders. Guided me to the waiting area.
     
    “Can I get you something for the pain?”
     
    They never get it. Not even when I can tell them.
     
    I took off my hat.
     
    She inhaled and made a noise like she was breathing through a bicycle pump.
     
     
     
    First things first, I had to go and find my sister, Pinky, and her boyfriend. Tell them things weren’t looking so good.
     
    I’d dropped them off at Bart’s place, just like we’d arranged. Watched them go in through the front calm as the Mediterranean. Bouncers looked them up and down, gave them a token frisk and let them by. Nothing out of the ordinary.
     
    Just my luck to get moved on